so an ex-coworker had their retirement party today and i went. despite the fact that i didnt receive an invitation because the person sending them out is a bitter old hag. I went and had a great time. i was welcomed by all or by most is what i should say. someone who i thought was my friend didnt talk to me or really awknowledge that i was there. i dont understand what is up with that person but check the deuces homie.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday 12/19/12
Today is a great day. I get to leave after our company lunch today and that is awesome. i decided yesterday to defriend or unfriend zack. after he embarassed me monday by ignoring me and not showing appreciation of the gift i made from scratch for him i dont think he deserves to be in my life. i took a poll from my friends and not one person feels i should let him be in my life. i honestly dont think he wants to be in my life anyway.
in my meditation class last night i was in tears balling because something came to light that i have buried deep. i have to get rid of him. he doesnt respect me and it has been my experience that people will always treat you however you let them. he isn't learning and i am not being hard enough on him to teach him. so i have to be done with him.
unfriending him on facebook may not work because he doesnt post to my wall ever anyway but i do know that he does facebook stalk me. this is good for me but will also be a test to see if he even notices and if he does notice what does he do with it.
i just remembered that i also sent him some of my favorite tea and he didnt thank me for that. i have to be done because no matter how busy someone is there is no excuse for bad behavior or rudeness towards a friend or towards someone who is showing you kindness.
in my meditation class last night i was in tears balling because something came to light that i have buried deep. i have to get rid of him. he doesnt respect me and it has been my experience that people will always treat you however you let them. he isn't learning and i am not being hard enough on him to teach him. so i have to be done with him.
unfriending him on facebook may not work because he doesnt post to my wall ever anyway but i do know that he does facebook stalk me. this is good for me but will also be a test to see if he even notices and if he does notice what does he do with it.
i just remembered that i also sent him some of my favorite tea and he didnt thank me for that. i have to be done because no matter how busy someone is there is no excuse for bad behavior or rudeness towards a friend or towards someone who is showing you kindness.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tuesday 12/18/2012
I can't wait for 2013. This is going to be a great year. i can feel it.
for some reason i keep dreaming about guys from my past. exboyfriends and ex-crushes. it might have to do with seeing on their facebook pages that these men who wanted nothing to do with me are now in relationships with manly looking females. i mean to each their own but i look a million times better than these chicks. which leads me to believe that the way i look isn't the problem it has to be something else.
i have come into contact with someone who turned out to be real attractive so i have been thinking about him a lot. i dont think anythign will come of it because he lives far away but it is nice to think about things like that. he is real attractive. i feel like i should tell him so but he probably hears that all the time.
i feel great. i had a great lunch today burrito bowl from chipotle. i got some sun and a walk in so i am feeling good right now.
yesterday zack acted like he didnt know me. which i dont really understand what his problem is. he didnt want to walk over to a party with me. while at the party he didnt sit with me. he came over to my table later but when i wasnt there. then when i came over he left. when i would move around the room he would come near me but not talk to me. i have no idea what that is all about. it did bother me. like he didnt want anyone to know or show anyone that we were cool but he couldn't stay away. i have no idea what that is but it proves that he is garbage. if he is too ashamed of me or whatever then forget him. i have no idea what is going on but i dont have a crystal ball to figure it out. i think he is mad or something at me and isn't trying to get caught up in anything with me. especially since i experience emotions and i am loud about it. i think i made him uncomfortable. i dont really care if i do. i cant help feeling what i feel and he was concerned about me then he wouldnt allow for me to feel that way by acting the way he does. this makes sense to me but not to him. he doesnt get it.
i have been thinking about him a little but not very much. he wont let me. his family is coming in town tomorrow i think. i doubt that he will do anything with me over break or for the holiday. if he doesn't then our friendship is definately over.
i have been talking to some friend and they have given me excellent advice on the whole thing. if someone isn't treating you right this is what you do.
"You love yourself more.. When we can fully appreciate what we bring to table it's easier to evaluate who is contributing to your life and who is detracting from it. So love yourself more.. Then you will have no choice but to acknowledge your value and demand that they put more on the table if they want to stay at the table. "
i guess if iw as to take this person's advice i would just walk away.
for some reason i keep dreaming about guys from my past. exboyfriends and ex-crushes. it might have to do with seeing on their facebook pages that these men who wanted nothing to do with me are now in relationships with manly looking females. i mean to each their own but i look a million times better than these chicks. which leads me to believe that the way i look isn't the problem it has to be something else.
i have come into contact with someone who turned out to be real attractive so i have been thinking about him a lot. i dont think anythign will come of it because he lives far away but it is nice to think about things like that. he is real attractive. i feel like i should tell him so but he probably hears that all the time.
i feel great. i had a great lunch today burrito bowl from chipotle. i got some sun and a walk in so i am feeling good right now.
yesterday zack acted like he didnt know me. which i dont really understand what his problem is. he didnt want to walk over to a party with me. while at the party he didnt sit with me. he came over to my table later but when i wasnt there. then when i came over he left. when i would move around the room he would come near me but not talk to me. i have no idea what that is all about. it did bother me. like he didnt want anyone to know or show anyone that we were cool but he couldn't stay away. i have no idea what that is but it proves that he is garbage. if he is too ashamed of me or whatever then forget him. i have no idea what is going on but i dont have a crystal ball to figure it out. i think he is mad or something at me and isn't trying to get caught up in anything with me. especially since i experience emotions and i am loud about it. i think i made him uncomfortable. i dont really care if i do. i cant help feeling what i feel and he was concerned about me then he wouldnt allow for me to feel that way by acting the way he does. this makes sense to me but not to him. he doesnt get it.
i have been thinking about him a little but not very much. he wont let me. his family is coming in town tomorrow i think. i doubt that he will do anything with me over break or for the holiday. if he doesn't then our friendship is definately over.
i have been talking to some friend and they have given me excellent advice on the whole thing. if someone isn't treating you right this is what you do.
"You love yourself more.. When we can fully appreciate what we bring to table it's easier to evaluate who is contributing to your life and who is detracting from it. So love yourself more.. Then you will have no choice but to acknowledge your value and demand that they put more on the table if they want to stay at the table. "
i guess if iw as to take this person's advice i would just walk away.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Monday 12/17/2012
I have no idea how much i weigh. I was afraid to get on the scale this morning. I have had a real eventful weekend full of cooking and shopping. My two favorite things to do. I have decided what i want in my home so my home projects list is ready.
Kitchen
1st: remove kitchen cabinets and hinges
2nd: paint kitchen cabinets
3rd: install cabinets with new hinges
4th: install knobs on cabinets
5th: new backsplash
6th: new countertops
bathroom
1. spackle bathroom ceiling
2. paint ceiling arabian sands
3. paint bathroom toasted wheat
kitchen:
backsplash
countertops
I have a great feeling about this.
Kitchen
1st: remove kitchen cabinets and hinges
2nd: paint kitchen cabinets
3rd: install cabinets with new hinges
4th: install knobs on cabinets
5th: new backsplash
6th: new countertops
bathroom
1. spackle bathroom ceiling
2. paint ceiling arabian sands
3. paint bathroom toasted wheat
kitchen:
backsplash
countertops
I have a great feeling about this.
Friday, December 14, 2012
friday 12/14/12
Friday:
well, i am here at work alone spent the morning knocking out some netflix. i am glad to get those out in the mail they werent very good. anyway, so like usual i am keeping track of the time apart from my friend. it has been three weeks since we spent time together. i tink he is okay with this. this only means i wont see or spend time with him for the rest of the year.
he is mad at me that is totally fine or he thinks i am mad at him which is fine as well. i think i need some separation from him. i mean a lot of separation. he really bothers me. he is the one who wanted to go to lunch on a weekly basis and he is the one that stopped going to lunch with me and never talked about it again after one time. i am so tired of this clown. if he is busy that is a lie because he hasn't been talking to me at all. no text, email, voicemail nothing. i am so done with his bull shit and he can suck it big time with all of that irrational reasoning bs he does.
when do you know you are lonely? what are the signs of loneliness? i mean i would love to be in a couple but i haven't been in a couple for such a long time. nine years so really what am i missing? i am not sure?
well, i am here at work alone spent the morning knocking out some netflix. i am glad to get those out in the mail they werent very good. anyway, so like usual i am keeping track of the time apart from my friend. it has been three weeks since we spent time together. i tink he is okay with this. this only means i wont see or spend time with him for the rest of the year.
he is mad at me that is totally fine or he thinks i am mad at him which is fine as well. i think i need some separation from him. i mean a lot of separation. he really bothers me. he is the one who wanted to go to lunch on a weekly basis and he is the one that stopped going to lunch with me and never talked about it again after one time. i am so tired of this clown. if he is busy that is a lie because he hasn't been talking to me at all. no text, email, voicemail nothing. i am so done with his bull shit and he can suck it big time with all of that irrational reasoning bs he does.
when do you know you are lonely? what are the signs of loneliness? i mean i would love to be in a couple but i haven't been in a couple for such a long time. nine years so really what am i missing? i am not sure?
Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday 12/7/12
i had a great time last night catching up with a couple of ex coworkers. we laughed and had a great old time. i havent had fun with those two in a long time. i am glad that we were actually able to get together this time.
anyway, as a result of last night i am scheduled to run my first 5k in february. i am excited and nervous about it but i am doing it. this is just what i need to get my butt in gear. i love having goals. also, one of the girls wants to walk the perimeter of the university once a week and i told her i would do that with her. i need to move more. i am getting real excited because i lost 5.3 lbs in a month and i didnt even know i was doing it. i can't believe it. i think it has to do with not having much of an appetite and not feeling the need to eat everything in sight due to depression.
Well, let's note that today is friday and i havent heard from Zack since last week friday when i asked him if we were going to lunch and he said no. when he stopped by on tuesday i didnt drop everything to give him all of my attention. he said hi and i said hi and that was it. over that chump. i am not exactly sure what the deal is with him but i think i am just done. i am tired and frustrated with him way too much to even entertain spending any time with him.
i am much more interested in losing weight and being healthy both physically, mentally and emotionally and i think he henders me from doing that. he doesnt support me and he doesnt really do much for me. i am done.
Anyway, i know this is a tired ass conversation that i have on a monthly or so basis. i am not sure how long this will last.
anyway, as a result of last night i am scheduled to run my first 5k in february. i am excited and nervous about it but i am doing it. this is just what i need to get my butt in gear. i love having goals. also, one of the girls wants to walk the perimeter of the university once a week and i told her i would do that with her. i need to move more. i am getting real excited because i lost 5.3 lbs in a month and i didnt even know i was doing it. i can't believe it. i think it has to do with not having much of an appetite and not feeling the need to eat everything in sight due to depression.
Well, let's note that today is friday and i havent heard from Zack since last week friday when i asked him if we were going to lunch and he said no. when he stopped by on tuesday i didnt drop everything to give him all of my attention. he said hi and i said hi and that was it. over that chump. i am not exactly sure what the deal is with him but i think i am just done. i am tired and frustrated with him way too much to even entertain spending any time with him.
i am much more interested in losing weight and being healthy both physically, mentally and emotionally and i think he henders me from doing that. he doesnt support me and he doesnt really do much for me. i am done.
Anyway, i know this is a tired ass conversation that i have on a monthly or so basis. i am not sure how long this will last.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Monday 12/3/12
Okay, so come to find out Zack was at a training all afternoon. I only know that because I know other folks that were in the training not because he told me. I mean that is an okay reason for not going to lunch with me on our scheduled day but he didnt tell me. i had to ask him. i am not asking again. i am not talking to him either. I havent heard from him since then anyway. i am so done with garbage. he wants to act like a child then fine. act like a child then.
I just found out that my high school best friend is pregnant. i am so jealous. she is due in the summer of next year. i really want a baby and i wanted next year to be my year for a baby. well she is married so she has a guy and it is so much easier to get pregnant when you have a guy. unlike my single self who will have to go out and buy ingredient instead of natural consumation.
I just found out that my high school best friend is pregnant. i am so jealous. she is due in the summer of next year. i really want a baby and i wanted next year to be my year for a baby. well she is married so she has a guy and it is so much easier to get pregnant when you have a guy. unlike my single self who will have to go out and buy ingredient instead of natural consumation.
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