Reno

Last December, I spent a weekend with a guy that I really liked.  It was the worst weekend getaway I have ever had.  On this trip this guy tells me he doesnt like having his picture taken because he isn't photogenic.  He is now on facebook and takes frequent pictures with his now girlfriend who he is in love with.  I am seriously confused.  How did he get a girlfriend so quickly?  After that weekend he and I never spoke again.  He met someone just before we went to reno together which is why he was so mean to me.  He and I obviously weren't a match.  I hope I never see him again.  I feel strongly that nothing good comes from Benicia. 

I have been thinking about Jason all weekend.  He hasn't text me.  He must be having a great time with his mom and sister which means that I will not hear from him until he comes back to work and needs a favor.  I know he and I are not a match but when am I going to meet my match?  People tell me the same thing over and over.  That when you are least expecting it, it will just happen.  I am always least expecting a relationship with form with someone so this clique isn't going to work for me.  I am getting older and I really need to have children soon.  I don't know why I am such repellent to men but I am.

i have been doing some research on myself.  I have found that I have a fear of committment, intimacy and trust issues.  I am not sure how a relationship will work?  I honestly thought that Jason would just change his mind and want to be more than friends.  I thought that if I got a new job in another department it would motivate him to ask me out and want to be more than friends.  I was wrong.  He has a date next Friday with a woman that he refers to as his starbucks stalker.  He doesn't find her attractive and claims he wouldn't want anything to do with her but he is going on a date with her.  I really dont get it.  He told me that he is looking forward to the date.  I thought he didn't like her?  Does he even know what he is saying?  I don't know what this means.

I felt like he was being a good friend to me last week. I am not so sure anymore.  I cried infront of him but I'm not sure if he caught that.  he can be so clueless sometimes.  Why is he going out on a date with this lady?  I am going to ask him how it went and be somewhat supportive but I am not liking that he will go out on a date with someone he isn't fond of and he refuses to date me.  There really must be something wrong with me.  I don't know what it is but there must be something.

Cowboy text me today.  This guy really isn't the guy for me.  He isn't awesome at all.  Where is the guy for me?  When will I meet him?  What is the hold up?

I wonder what this week will be like.  I assume just as dramatic as the last week was.  My goodness I vow to not to participate in any gossip for the entire week.  I really don't care for it.  I mean I talk shit when folks get on my nerves but I dont like knowing about all the dumb stuff that goes on at work.  I would rather come in and do some work and be done with the people that work there.  All the crap that comes out of their mouths is just annoying to me.  I mean people who ear hustle on conversations are just plain annoying to me.

Someone need to tell Jason to get his head out of his ass.  I know he has feelings for me and he isn't going to act on them because he is a lame sack.  I mean really.  He remembered that I went on a Disneyland date.  I forgot that I went on that date and that was like almost 2 years ago.  How does he remember me going out on that date and I nearly forgot?  He also holds my stuff when we go to lunch.  When we were in a meeting and sitting at different tables, he text me asking me how my lollipop was because he was watching me from a distance.  Then, the next day I caught him checking me out.