Okay well it has been some week. I was feeling great. I felt great all week. Working out first thing in the morning will do the trick for you. I'm glad I did because all of those endorphins have prepared me for all of the bad news at the end of this week.
First thing first. I got into a fight with one of my good friends. She is going back to the douche bag exboyfriend for the third time and I just can't pretend that I'm happy for her. She's sensitive about my response to the whole thing so she has blown up what I said in proportion. I just can't deal with her emotional highs and lows. She's becoming neurotic.
Second, the guy that I was dating texts me and I am so happy to hear from him and he is full of lies and BS. That relationship is over and all I can think is I need to take a break from all of this dating. The emotions are so tiresome. It is pretty much over and I have all of these pictures around me. It is sad when it's over.
Third, my sister tells me she is trying to get pregnant. The girl who doesn't want to have kids is trying to have kids. This one hurts the most only because all I have ever wanted was kids and she just gets to decide to have them now. I can't have them now. The whole reason I am doing this stupid dating crap is for kids. I need to just realize that the husband/man thing isn't going to happen for me and I have to take matters into my own hands.
I haven't been upset like this in a while. I guess I forgot what it was like. I am sitting at my desk at work in tears because I am so frustrated. I lost this weight for kids, husband and all that. I just wont ever have one. A husband that is. I have been trying to build stronger relationships and that's not working. I am at a loss. It makes me want to become a hermit and never leave my house and not socialize at all. There is so much disappointment out there. Some poeple just get things and others have to work very hard for just a taste of it only to lose it real quickly.
People tell me be positive it will happen. Being positive doesn't get you shit. Forget all that noise. Being positive isn't going to make things fall from the sky for you. Whatever dude. I am so over people and this crap. People suck and will only disappoint you if you live long enough. My list of goals hasn't gone down a bit.
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