Okay so I haven't vented in a while. Now, why is that? I guess because I have the exact same things going on now that I did a month ago and it is just tiresome.
New job: likes & dislikes:
I like the differences in my new position. I don't like the things that are the same at my previous position. I do like working with a smaller staff. It is easier to blow people off and traing them to leave you alone than in a work place of 100+ staff. I like being able to talk to my boss and tell her what i want to do and train on. That relationship is very important to me so I am glad that I get to start over with a new boss who is somewhat knowledgable of her position. I do not like that my previous boss calls me and is close by. I would love to cut all ties to that place.
Love life update:
The love life is still quite unexistant and that is with me joining several online dating sites. I am the girl that guys do not like. i honestly cannot put my finger on the reason why I am so unappealing to the opposite sex so I give up even trying to figure out what the problem is.
I have this long list of goals that i wanted to accomplish and one by one i am knocking them off of my list. the one that is difficult for me to get checked off is the whole children thing. that is because i need another person's assistance in order for this task to be complete. i would love to have someone around for a while to help me in that case.
I was hoping that my ex-coworker Zack was going to want to be with me after I left that place. I find it interesting how dynamics change and lives changes all with switching to a different department. I haven't seen Zack in 7 weeks. He is mad at me for something right now I am sure. It all has to do with me not doing something that he wanted. I wasn't available to him when he thought I would drop everything at the snap of a finger for him. No, I'm okay. If he's not doing anything for me then thats what he is getting from me. Nothing. I just don't understand his behavior. What troubles me even more is my response to his behavior. Why am I attracted to it and pulled toward him when he treats me this way. That is the thing that troubles me the most. He doesn't offer me any kind of support or kindness. Why did I have him around for so long? What did I get out of the relationship? I don't think I got much which is why I was always trying to get more attention and more out of him and now that I am looking at the relationship from a distance I have a different perspective on the situation. I don't think he is missing me in any way. I don't think he is thinking about me at all. I think he got what he wanted from me and he is over it now. this is very depressing for me to say but I think he just used me for ego stroking or boosting and now that it is too much work he is done with me.
I told him that I didn't feel that our friendship was fair. I felt that he wasn't giving as much as I was. he wanted to argue. I don't like or want to argue when it comes to my feelings because you cannot argue a feeling. it is there whether you like it or not. that is the point of the feelings you don't have control over when they pop up for the most part but you have control over you long you want to ride that wave.
I feel like with Zack i have no control. I am very attracted to him which I don't get because he isn't much to look at. He is very average. I must be attracted to the personality and physical combination. Lately, I have been withholding from contacting Zack in anyway. I have been going out with people and having a good time and not drunk texting him. I haven't text him to see how he is doing so our communication has stopped. I think this is all because of me. I am not longer reaching out to him and opening that line of communication. now that i am realizing this, i wonder if the whole relationship was in my mind. was there even a relationship or did i make this up.
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