Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thursday 11/29/12

After having yet another discussion with Zack.  I am ready to just stop getting my hopes up with him.  He keeps referring to me as a friend and I am really tired of it.  I keep trying to spend time with him hoping things will change and he will want to be something other than friends and that's not working. I don't think I can get what I want out of this relationship.  Now what do I do?  I don't want to be entirely mean and just cut him out of my life completely.  I don't like thinking that there is something there when there isn't.  What is the best way to approach this?

I am trying to think of a plan.  He wants to go to lunch together once a week.  I guess I could think of him like my dad.  Someone trying to have a relationship with me for themselves not for me. Maybe the more I dont engage with him he will leave me alone or do something.  I have no idea.  I am so tired of him.  I get so frustrated.  I go back and forth on this subject and it has been like this for years.  I am at a loss.  I don't like the idea of getting rid of him entirely.  Maybe with me being on this new medication, it will be easier for me to disconnect myself from him. 

I just really dislike being referred to as a friend or just friends or friends only.  Like it needs to be reiterated.  I know it does because I get really confused but I dont want to be just friends and I am getting confused because he isn't consistant with the whole thing and he's not honest with his feelings.
I have to type this out because maybe then i will be able to sort out my thinking and come a to decision.  Now that I am in a better place about things maybe i can come to a solution.

Get it in your head my dear.  He doesn't want anything to do with you romantically.  he isn't ready or interested in a relationship.

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