It’s the end of the week

Thank goodness this week is over.  I have no idea what I have been doing but a week at work flew by and I don’t know what happened.  It is probably better that I don’t.

I have a busy weekend ahead of me and I am more than ready to start kicking asses and taking names.  I am no nonsense right now.  Condo hunt 2010.  I will get one for sure.  I only have 4 weeks to find one.  I will pick one this weekend.  That’s how great I am.  Cool beans.  Now me finding a man is way more tricky then finding a home.   Well, it might be just as difficult if I have lame ass realtors to deal with.  Why can’t they get their shit together?  LAME.

Loving Drake’s music loving it.  I am feeling really great. Walking five miles a day really changes your outlook on things.  Things that meant the world to me before are nothing now.  I love it like that.  Not sweating the small stuff is great.  If only the boyfriend thing was something small.  I am worried but not as much as before.  I am not sure how to go about finding this next man of mine.  The dating websites I am on, I have no idea who they work for?

Well, tomorrow I go house hunting.  This should be fun.  That is if the dumb ass realtor comes through.  I have two right now because I haven’t decided which one to go with.  So far, one is looking better then the other but not by much.  They are both lame.

Time Change is not In My Favor

I have had some week.  I can’t even remember the things I wore on the previous day.  I hope that I’m not wearing the same thing everyday.  '

I just spent ten minutes crying after watching a preview for the movie The Blind Side. I love inspirational movies like that.  I love them.  Just like the movie Freedom Writers.  My Goodness maybe I shouldn’t be watching movies right about now.  I am feeling real fragile. 

After yesterday, when I typed that I loved Jason even without my knowledge of this love I have been terrified.  I sent him a message but he doesn’t want anything to do with me. 

St. Patricks Day

I went ahead and bit the bullet yesterday and sent a text to my buddy. He did not text me back so yes he is very upset with me. My horoscope for the day says this:

If you're single, it's going to be a bumpy night. The last person on earth you'd ever expect to reveal secret feelings to you will be the first one who'll do it. Of course, you've been trying to tell yourself those suspicions you've had were wrong; at this point, you need to buckle down and admit they were right on. And if you think about it, how could you possibly blame them?

I am hoping that this actually happens today. I would love to hear all about this. Recently, none of my horoscopes have come true but they have been a little more specific then usual. It is strange but nothing has happened. Maybe they should stick to very vague ones.

okay okay

I felt so great today.  I wore these new hot shoes.  Wow, those were amazing.  I think I am wasting my new outfits on the folks I work with.  They all look so terrible.  I need to come up in there and decorate the place with something pleasing to the eye and looks like it baths.

Being happy is the best thing in the world.  Being only 15 lbs away from my initial weight loss goal makes me glow.  I love that fact that I have left all of that weight behind.  I refuse to be fat ever again.  I’d develop an eating disorder before becoming fat ever again.  I promise that to you.  Never again.  Being an overweight woman sucks so bad.  Men dislike fat woman.  Society dislikes fat women.  Fat women dislike fat women.  Talk about discrimination.  I have never had so many people want to open a door for me or say hello to me or anything.  It is amazing.  I trip out all the time.  I get stared at a lot and it is very overwhelming.  I always feel like folks are giving me looks or meaning to do me harm.  I need to get out of that phase.  It isn’t necessarily the case but I am real sensitive.

So I miss my friend.  What can I say, I am not that evil.  Coming off mean and actually being mean are two different things.  I hear his voice and my heart jumps.  I just really wish that he wanted me in his life.  Now what do I miss about him?

I miss spending time with him and listening to his point of view.  Even though his view can be totally different from mine.  I miss how he is totally different then I am but we love being around each other.  I miss how he looks at me and how he lets me be me even though he would never do or say the things I do.  I miss how he lets me jab him and thinks it is cute when I do.  I miss having my friend. 

I don’t know if I want him back but I do miss him. 

My pride wont let me talk to him or tell him how I feel.  The reason why aren’t speaking is because he doesn’t listen to me when I communicate my feelings to him.  Yet another week has gone by and we have not spoken.  Will we ever be friends again?  When?

Listening to music and daydreaming

Wow, so what is the deal with Wednesdays being full of work to do? I mean honestly what happened to the gold old wednesdays full of internet shopping and daily horoscopes? I miss those days.

I had to go on this long walk today. just to excape the trials and tribulations of my mind. Isn't that funny? I guess I am so up in my head reality is too easy for me I make up my own issues. I listen to music and daydream while I work.

Married people are something else. They always seem so worn down with their spirit broken. I am not sure I want to be one of those but it is human nature to need companionship. It's unfortunate that it is like that. People suck.

Not a lot has been happening in my life recently. I actually like this. The mellow days. I have eliminated a lot of drama and I feel so calm these days. Which is great for my blood pressure. Work has been alright. Nothing special.

Weight loss is the most difficult thing for me. I have lost quite a bit and I am getting closer and closer to my initial goal. I am 15 lbs. away from being the weight that I wanted. I am one dress size away from being my goal dress size. I am absolutely excited. I can't wait. Once I reach that goal, I will set another one. I think it is the best thing to do for me. I may be turning a little obsessive with this whole thing. I have to write down what I eat everyday. I don't count the calories because I eat pretty much the same thing everyday so I am staying well within my allotted calorie amount. The minute I dont do this, I will consume way too much and feel so much guilt. I can't stand the guilt. It makes me sick to my stomach. Wow, 15 lbs. that just blows my mind. I look and feel great. I just wish I had someone special to share my life with.

I honestly thought that once I lost the weight the men would flock to me. Why aren't they? There must be some other flaw in my character. I wouldn't know what it is. I think I am faboulous and I know a ton of jerks and lame folks and they are all married so it can't be my character.

I enjoy the people that I do conversate with. They are very supportive of me and I know I can talk to them about things. There aren't that many people that I talk to. I like to have a small group. I am tired of being disappointed by friends who stab me in the back or are disloyal in some way. I am an excellent friend and very loyal.

Playlist:
Fantasy Girl - Baby Bash
Baby - Justin Bieber
Put it in a love song - Alicia Keys
Peanut Butter & Jelly - Christina Milian..

Bring on the Weekend.

Okay so finally it is friday. An end to a busy work week. I have been wondering for weeks now what is going to happen between me and a certain someone that I once cared about. (probably still do). My horoscope has been saying for days that things are going to be fixed. It has been scaring me a lot. Today this is what it says:

For the next few days, your main quest will be to decide what to do about a certain someone -- someone who seems to be putting just as much time, energy and thought into what to do about you. None of this will be visible to anyone who's not really looking, however. It's all going to be very clandestine. But anyone who knows and loves you will see what's going on, and will probably be quite delighted for you.

Okay now, it is scarey how close this is to my life right now. I just wonder if there is any truth to it. The way I am thinking about this is that he is going to sit down and chat with me about what is wrong and thats it. Now the "delighted for you" part of this horoscope I have no idea what that could mean. I don't think he is going to say what I wished he would say what I still secretly want. He doesn't want that.

I hate when I don't get what I want or who I want. It totally drives me nuts. All I know is that I am going to do what I planned on donig and that is nothing. I'm not meeting him half way, not initiating any conversations nothing. No love at all, deuces.

At this rate, I am wondering if I will ever meet a guy. The majority of the men I know are the ones I work with so they are pretty much off limits and not desirable at all. The other men I know are married or in long term relationships and I consider family. Not interested in them. So where is this guy that I am to meet. How do i meet him? Where?

Okay so now what

I am putting myself in a position to where i can further myself in my dreams. I guess what I mean is I want to get more involved in writing. Writing stores, essays, poems and all kinds of things. I would really love to write a book that becomes a movie and write for television shows. I would do an excellent job. I am great at telling stories and I have an awesome imagination. I guess I need to work on my writing. Which is one of the main reasons why I started this blog. to get more in the habit of typing, writing more and more every day.

guy at work is a lost cause. i hate lost causes. i really wanted that to go somewhere. I mean if a guy is not up to your level, shouldn't he be eating out of your hand. He should feel grateful that a woman like me would even consider him. No it doesnt happen like that. this guy sucks so much, I had to let him go. Cut all ties and not talk to him. He's not very bright so I am not sure if he even understands how seriousl this really is.

now with new prices on prescription drugs i wont be able to take my birth control. the price has increased 200%. That is ridiculous. So I am not going to take it. I am curious if the weight will come off better without the birth control.

New Laptop in the Mix

Holla Everyone. I just got my new laptop. Wheew. I was hoping it wouldn't take three weeks like they estimated time of delivery for me. Wow. I really love this thing the extra money for the pink polish cover is totally worth it. I love this thing. I could type for forever but I need to go out and get a case for it because I didn't buy one when I made the purchase because I want to touch and hold it and make a decision based on that.

Now what should I get a messenger bag style bag or a backpack style of bag? Whatever I decide, it has to be pink.

Nah it is just the woman in me, devious.

Well, I guess my buddy is not going to fix the problem between us any time soon. That is fine. I am happier without him. I thought he was mad at me and yesterday he caught up to me when I was walking with my headphones on. All I hear is someone shout "Hello, Dana" behind me. I turn and I see him. He didn't really look at me in my face but he was walking next to me.

Instead of saying hello I did a half ass'ed wave with some envelopes I had in my hand and turned and walked in a different direction. I thought he was the mad one. He's the one that doesnt want to talk to me. Maybe I am not ready to be on speaking terms just yet. We aren't communicating well at all. All this men vs. women thing is true. We can barely communicate with each other.

My horoscope today says :
Someone who's been on your mind a great deal lately will contact you soon -- maybe even today. The problem is, they'll want a lot more from you than just the chance to catch up. Does this mean you should let them take advantage of you and the tender, pensive mood you're in? Not at all. But if you need to let them know how you feel about the way you left things, even if it's just to gain closure, do it. You, more than anyone else, need to know where you stand.

Now why does it have to scare me like that? I am scared that he is going to approach me and corner me in my office to speak to me because "he" wants to. He sucks. At the same time, I want this to be resolved so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I mean what right does he have to be mad at me? Yes, I did call him a name but he more than deserved it. I only call them as I see them.

The thing that I love is having power over someone. I know I probably shouldn't say that but I do. I love making someone feel scared or uneasy. Especially when it is a man. It makes me happy. I guess thats how sick and twisted I am these days. Nah it is just the woman in me, devious.

Where did my weekend go?

Happy Monday Everyone. Yeah it is one of those I do not know where my weekend went Mondays. I had a family member visit and totally sucked the life out of me. Yeah, family kills. I did get three pairs of shoes out of the weekend so that is very nice.

Can I just explain to you my outfit today. Pink, black and white designed tunic with black leggings and black pumps with pink rosettes on them, very cute. I have a white rose in my hair, long dangley earrings and a silver cuff on my left arm. I know visualization is a difficult thing but I look nice today. Now after I bought these new shoes I am wondering to myself what outfits will I wear with them? I love being a girl. All of this dress up is therapeutic for me. I love it.

I didn't get to do what I had planned to do this weekend so now I have to do that today. You know what, I can't wait. It is weirding me out that I am looking forward to going home and doing chores. That must be because I am at work right now and chores look good compared to the people I get to see here.

Now tell me this, I walked pass a girl and she smelled absolutely awful. I could smell her just in passing and I nearly vomited. This is not a smell that I can identify. It wasn't underarm body oder or poop or urine. This was way more disgusting, if you can imagine. She needs to go home and take a shower. Dirty girl!