More Male Confusion

Okay so I am trying to think of my buddy at work as a woman because I have a crush on him and he told me he just wants to be friends.  I have a difficult time pictureing him as a girl when he says things a girl wouldnt say.

Like i told him that i am giving up on men and considering becoming a dominatrix.  he tells me that he could see me as a dominatrix and enjoying it. he asks me if i love my new purple room (i painted my bedroom a dark sexy purple) i told him its sexy and romantic and he then asks me how my dating is going.  says i need to be patient and he knows someone is going to come a long and sweep me off my feet.  i am trying to think of him as a girl but girls dont really talk like that.

anyway, i cant get all excited and think that he means he is the one that is planning on sweeping me off my feet.  that stuff only happens in the movies not in real life. 

Are Men Only Interested In Looks?

Now if this is true.  I should totally be in a relationship.  Men being incapable of love is the oldest attitude I have ever heard.  I am starting to believe this to be true.  I have been in love a few times.  Only once has this love been reciprocated.  Men, the most difficult task in my life.  Finding a man.  I have a thing about people.  I don’t like most people. 

I enjoy watching romantic comedies.  Fiction is the best thing for my heart.  I also think that it ruins me.  I start to believe that I deserve so much but what if what I deserve is not a possibility?  Men, the non fiction characters, do not behave in such a way to make your heart melt.  They are predictable and very simple.  There is nothing romantic about a simple man.  A simple man will only leave you frustrated and disappointed.  Not fun.

Men, the most difficult task in my life, have been all that I have wanted for the past couple of months.  Some women have it.  The skills and the patience to deal with a man.  Me on the other hand, I do not wish to settle or wait.  I want everything when I want it and if I don’t get it then I have a fit.

i would love the opportunity to break some man’s heart.  I think i am due for that opportunity in my life.

Still over the boys

Well, I have decided to not give any man the time of day that feels the need to ask me if I am bitchy, cold or complain too much.  What type of questions are those to ask someone you barely know?  What type of man would ask a woman those questions.  I told this guy that I am not warm and fuzzy so he should look else where.  He left the conversation and I was relieved. 

All I know is that I refuse to live by someone else’s rules and try to fit in someone’s approve dosage of personality traits.  This guy was short anyway.  The first thing he asked me was am I snotty and with a shrimp like him I am totally snotty.  Goodbye Dave good luck to you and the poor girl that decides to date your middle aged self. deuces.

On to bigger and better things, like myself.  Speaking of me, I had a terrible day at work well not so much terrible as annoying.  My so called work friend is on my nerves and is becoming quite self centered.  I found myself avoiding her so I wouldn’t have to hear the moans and groans.  Whatever right.  I am too busy and I really don’t care about such things.  I know I am harsh but I have been harsh this whole time, deal.

My work buddy who I am in love with finally came back today after being on vacation.  When I saw him I wasn’t ready to see him so I kind of ran away.  When he saw me he was very excited to see me but I wasn’t in the best of moods with the way that my day was going and the amount of work I had sitting on my desk.  When I saw him I was caught off guard and there was a group of guys there watching us so I really didn’t want them to see us talking  you know.  Especially since one of them already commented that we were dating.  I guess I would rather not open that can of worms again.  I know that in the end I am only hurting myself when I was avoiding him but I was already trying to get out of there because it was already awkward for me.

He stopped by the office shortly after that and he did not come to chat with me.  I dont know if he stopped by my door later but he owes me a hug from his trip and i didn’t want him to give it too me in front of an audience.  Yes, I do love him and he knows that already.  I dont know if he has any feelings for me whatsoever but he might be considering it.  When i saw his face light up when he saw me it made my day.

Anyway, I sent him two texts this evening and i have heard back from him.  he is proably busy or doesnt want to text back or he wants to reply in person.  i wonder if he will wait until 11pm to text me back like last night.  that is just too late for me.

i was hoping that he and i would go to lunch sometime this week but i think he forgot or he wont have time.  maybe he was avoiding me because he didnt want to hug me. :-( dude i dont know i am not good with men at all.

Okay he just text me.  He gets me thinks im weird but loves it so i am okay with it.  yay….

Missing Chucky

So my work buddy is away on vacation with his kids.  I love this man but unfortunately he only wants to be friends with me and so I have to think of him as having a vagina.  what a world we live in.  the story of my life here.  The man I want doesn’t want me and the men I really don’t want, want to date me.  Why does this happen?

I dontknow what to do to get Chucky to want me I just have given up.  It isn’t worth it.  I have to have him in my life so I will take him however I can get him and friends is fine.  I like having him as afriend.

I just hate how he just wants to be friends.  I mean he must really not want me if he just wants to be friends.  that is how bad it is.

i hate this crap.  Online dating is the worst thing in the world.  these short guys want to talk highly of themselves and let you sit there and listen to them go on about themselves and convince you that they are awesome.  yeah if you were so awesome you wouldn’t be boasting about yourself over dinner while i try not to fall asleep. Lame.

I dont know if i will be able to date anyone while i still have feelings for chucky.  i mean this can be a bad thing here.

he is away on vacation and i hate that i havent seen him in days. four days so far and another one to go until i will see him.  this sucks.  i hate how i am so honest with him.  i tell him that i miss him and stuff.  he doesnt say that to me unless i ask him.

i am hanging up my dating shoes.  i dont think i want it as much as i thought i did.  the rejection is the kicker.  i hate being rejected by douche bags that i dont give a shit about.  they are real rude about it.

anyway, it sucks knowing that the person you love doesn’t love you back.  it is the story of my life as far as men go.  horrible.

... and the end result

Alright, alright. After dating a grip of guys these past few months here I have decided that I do not like men. Yes I am attracted to men and I am heterosexual but I do not like men. They suck. Large babies who want someone to take care of them but also want to boss her around. Now who has time for that?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are on a date and this guy is talking to you for a while. You are sitting there thinking to yourself, "now how the hell can I get out of this as quickly and painless as possible". I know it may sound mean or rude or whatever but why do I feel like I owe it to the guy to listen to all of his crap. Most of the men I have dated, have been very long winded. I mean what makes a guy think he can kiss you if you are out on a date and he tells you a story about himself for two hours and you dont get to talk. I call that a story teller, not interesting and not interested in anything other than himself. The end result of that night is a hug.
I also go into a date deciding on what is the appropriate way to part ways with this guy. If we go out for coffee that's a hug. Dinner might be a kiss a hug or handshake depending on how he behaves. Sometimes I just like to get to the parking lot and run away. I just wonder why these men think they are so great. I am totally confused. Nothing that they say or do is wonderful.
One guy had to keep telling me how everyone at work thinks he is the best guy ever. Okay here is the deal, he works in IT all he does is fix the computer problems nothing interesting as far as personality. I mean really who cares if people at work like you. People at work like what you do for them at work not anything else. It's all selfish and artificial. Please get it straight.

After all of my dating the end result is I do not want a man. I have always known that I do need a man but I thought I wanted one. Now I know, I do not want one. If I have to listen to a man boast about himself for the rest of my life, I'd rather not do it. I can take care of myself and adopt children. I do not need to worry about some grown man's feelings and handle him tenderly. That is so lame. I am over it.

If "the right guy" comes along, which looking at my generation doesn't looking like a possibility, I will change my tune but I have gone through so many years of experiencing garbage that "the right guy" couldn't possibly be hiding. He is a figment of my imagination and I have been ruined by fairy tales and romantic comedys. Things don't happen like that in real life. No one is going to save you. You need to save yourself. Don't expect anyone to take care of you. Take care of yourself. There is no reason for a woman to ever depend on a man for anything and that is the day we live in.