Rejection

Okay so now I have cut Mr. Awesome from my team. It turns out that he is not so awesome after all. Well, what happened was we went to disneyland and had a great time. I was worried that we wouldn't have enough to talk about on the drive down there but we did great. The time just flew by. We spent all day together holding hands, kissing and being sweet to each other. We had such a great time and he kept telling me over and over how much of a great time he was having.

We spent a whole day together and then he spent the night and we spent the whole morning together. I am not sure what happened but its been two weeks and i havent heard from him. i am thinking that he's just not that into me. it didnt really hit me until recently and I am pretty bummed about it. I have six weeks left on my online dating membership and I am thinking that when it expires I will be done with online dating for a while. Well, dating period.

I haven't been successful in my search and I have met a lot of men. I'm just not cut out for this. I mean romantic relationships with men. some women have it and others just dont. I have found that i dont have what it takes to be successful in romance. when i like someone, i really like them and thats it. i really liked one guy out of all of the guys i met and he didn't like me back. as it would seem from his lack of calling. not so sure what is going to happen. i thought that i would have meet someone by now and would be on the road to engagement, marriage and children. so far my plan hasn't worked out. I guess it's time for plan B.

Now what is plan B? Plan B is when i have a kid and raise him/her by myself. without a husband, boyfriend or any man in my life. which is how i have seen it. i really want a family and it is getting worse and worse.

i have my dogs i love them very much. we have a great time together. all warm and fuzzy full of love. yay. so 5 years from now i will have a bigger place and then babies will come. that is the plan a 5 year plan. i need to get some more weight off and i want 20 lbs off next year. This last 20 is so difficult to get off. i hate having this issue. maybe i will just drink the restof my life and never eat solids again. my goodness. talk about Boo!

A friend of mine is getting back with her exboyfriend for the third time. i told her to stop recycling boyfriends just cuz your desperate because no other guys are going out with you. she claims shes not reclycing but what do you call it? it is desperation. getting back into a relationship after breaking up over the same thing twice. she's nuts. we have standing lunch date on thursdays every week and im thinking that im going to cancel this week. i cant stand to listen to her bullshit about this loser guy. lame

Disneyland Date

Okay, so I have been seeing this guy for a while now and we aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Which means that it is entirely possible that he is seeing other women. I hate the idea that he could be seeing other women. I am not seeing other men. I should tell him that I am not seeing anyone else. Anyway, a week ago he and I went to disneyland. We spent an entire day together just him and myself. It was so much fun. We both had a great time. He stayed over and spent the next morning with me as well. We are still not official. I am trying to get to see him and make plans with him but I do it before he can make plans with me so it's like I am the only one making plans. I just get real excited. I need to stop. I just want to have fun. Everyone else gets so serious. Trying to give me the most lame advice when they are single and don't know how to pick great guys at all. Yeah, why should I listen to their advice again?

All this talk about not putting your eggs into one basket. Now tell me this when you go to the chicken coop to get the eggs how many baskets do you carry with you? I mean seriously. I have gone out with so many guys and this is the one that I have gone out with on more than one date and we both like each other. I don't like being told that I need to hold back. I would regret it if I didn't put myself out there and lost a relationship over it. At least I am being honest.

I am finding that the happier I am the more people like to bring me down or say negative things about what I am doing. I am not a fan of this. My brother in particular. He's upset or depressed about his life and has to say negative things to me because I am happy and he is not. Really getting tired of his black cloud syndrome. He needs to realize that he needs to make himself happy and stop relying on others to do it for him.