New Job

I have been at a new job for almost two months.  I was so excited to try something new and for new challenges.  I was also excited because I thought that this would mean that my work buddy would now want to date me or consider dating me because we no longer work together so that it would be okay now.  NOPE.  that is not the case.  We have gone to dinner but with this children. He invited me to his house but there were other people there and there was a few weeks there were we were going to lunch together.  I am annoyed by this man.  The work excuse was just that, an excuse.  He doesn't want to date me period.  It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing he just doesn't want me. Period.  Now I don't understadn this because I am so much better than he is.  He should feel so lucky to have someone like me want to be with him.  He wants to talk to me everyday he wants to spend time with me every week but he does not want to date me.  I hate that so much that I am cutting him off.  No more lunches, dinners, parties nothing.  I am done.  I am going to play the game like a man now.  Its going to be like this: If you dont do what i want i am leaving no comprimise no notice just deuces.

I have a feeling that i will run into him this week so i am going to have to come up with a plan for what i will do if and when that happens or just let happen and whatever goes, goes.  over this drama.  i am over being rejected by dudes that suck.  people say you have to put yourself out there.  i am doing that and what is out there is a bunch of trash.  lame1

the icing on the cake

Okay well it has been some week. I was feeling great. I felt great all week. Working out first thing in the morning will do the trick for you. I'm glad I did because all of those endorphins have prepared me for all of the bad news at the end of this week.

First thing first. I got into a fight with one of my good friends. She is going back to the douche bag exboyfriend for the third time and I just can't pretend that I'm happy for her. She's sensitive about my response to the whole thing so she has blown up what I said in proportion. I just can't deal with her emotional highs and lows. She's becoming neurotic.

Second, the guy that I was dating texts me and I am so happy to hear from him and he is full of lies and BS. That relationship is over and all I can think is I need to take a break from all of this dating. The emotions are so tiresome. It is pretty much over and I have all of these pictures around me. It is sad when it's over.

Third, my sister tells me she is trying to get pregnant. The girl who doesn't want to have kids is trying to have kids. This one hurts the most only because all I have ever wanted was kids and she just gets to decide to have them now. I can't have them now. The whole reason I am doing this stupid dating crap is for kids. I need to just realize that the husband/man thing isn't going to happen for me and I have to take matters into my own hands.

I haven't been upset like this in a while. I guess I forgot what it was like. I am sitting at my desk at work in tears because I am so frustrated. I lost this weight for kids, husband and all that. I just wont ever have one. A husband that is. I have been trying to build stronger relationships and that's not working. I am at a loss. It makes me want to become a hermit and never leave my house and not socialize at all. There is so much disappointment out there. Some poeple just get things and others have to work very hard for just a taste of it only to lose it real quickly.

People tell me be positive it will happen. Being positive doesn't get you shit. Forget all that noise. Being positive isn't going to make things fall from the sky for you. Whatever dude. I am so over people and this crap. People suck and will only disappoint you if you live long enough. My list of goals hasn't gone down a bit.

Saturday with the Family

Okay, so I felt like spending Saturdays with my family was fun and a good thing.  Lately, I am not so sure.  My mother is now very hard of hearing and misunderstanding everything that comes out of your mouth and thinks she hears you say things you didn't and gets angry.  Having a conversation with her is the worst thing in the world right now.  She spends the majority of her time arguing with me or taking naps.  Not much fun.  then there is my brother the strangest person.  He feels like things should just happen to him for no reason.  He should have a great man no matter how he treats them.  He should make a lot of money and not work for it.  He should be happy and not have anything to do with it.  I dont understand him and i get real annoyed with him. 

One thing i dont get.  i am getting ready to leave.  these folks havent left their house all day.  i am getting ready to leave my hands are full carrying things.  i cant get someone to hand me something i have to say please.  how about i say F^&* you instead and then punch you in your junk.  WTF?  I need to say please in order to get you to behave like a human being.  and you deserve all of this nice shit.  Also, he doeesnt know how to have a conversation.  he interrupts you so you cant talk.  monopolizes the conversation and is annoying. 

i am going to have to cancel the so called plans i was going to make with him and really hurt his feelings.  i dont really care.  too much stress with those people.  i will have to decrease my time spent at that house by a lot.  maybe once a month or soemthing less than that.  what will i do with  my spare time?  that is the question.  hmmm, i used to think that spending time with the family was a good thing but i think they are hurting me and not helping me.