Friday night before vacation

Okay, so today is friday the last day of work before my vacation starts. Yes, I called in vacation time to take a week off and just cleanse my thoughts and relax. My boss has been frustrating the hell out of me. I just need some time away.

I hope that she reflects on this. I mean honestly I would love a raise and promotion but I dont see her doing that. Only saying she is going to and not do it at all.

My work buddy I'm falling for again.  I am worried I will only get stomped on. I think I need to keep my distance from him for a little while. We went out on two lunches this week together so I don't know what's going on with him. Maybe I should just turn off my phone for a whole week and not talk to anyone. I should just unplug my computer as well.

I am very defeated right now. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. My guy friends don't believe that but they don't want to be with me either so they should be able to believe it to some extent, right? I mean what is so wrong with me? Why can men be friends with a woman and thinks she is so great and that anyone would love to have her but they dont want her themselves? They sound like a bunch of liars.

This last guy that I got all mushy over, I met him online whereas if I was to meet him in person I wouldn't have given him a second look or my phone number. What does that say about me? Maybe I have a really large ego or something? I dont know. I am feeling like a loser and it sucks. I need some time to relax and come up with my new plan. My baby plan. I think I have my names all sorted out now.

The smell of failure

Okay, so i am having a real difficult time right now. being rejected is the worse thing ever for me right now. i just think that i am this great person so everytime a guy disses me, i just dont understand. i think i should just stop putting myself out there and call it quits. i wasnt made for all of this dating. marriage just isn't in the cards for me.

i am spending time with my work buddy and all of that magic is gone. i'm not even interested in him. i have lost all interest in every man in my world. it is so strange because i thought that i would never get over him. i am now over him and over men and relationships altogether. i dont know what is wrong. i had such a great time with this last guy and he just never called me again. he is still single. i guess he just didn't like me. i hate that feeling. not knowing what happened. rejection sucks. i dont know what happened but i am done with online dating.

in my small world i will not have any opportunities to meet new people unless i branch out and become social which i have no desire to do at this point in time. i am throwing in the towel. i am finished with romantic relationships and i am okay with being alone. when i look back now at the time spent with that last one he was a bit a an asshole with servers at restaurants and a jerk with folks at the theme park we visited. that is okay we just werent meant to be.

i am trying to figure out what i did the last time this happened to get over it and i cant remember what that was. wish i could just be over it now. how do i do that?

interesting how i was so convinced that chucky was my soulmate. goes to show what i know. he has become a great friend but not someone i would want to spend my life with. i dont think i want to spend my life with anyone. i can do it alone that way i dont have to have someone tell me what to do. marriage is overrated as far as i can tell. i dont need to get married. thought it would be nice to have someone to help me with the kids but i will do that on my own. it is okay.

being single isn't the worst thing possible.