Okay I Chicken'ed Out

Okay, I went to happy hour last night and I had an opporitunity to talk to a guy, who I thought was cute and I chickened out. He didn't approach me but we were sharing glances and smiling at each other. I was trying to get him to come to me but he was with his boys and they were watching a basketball game. He was distracted lets say. I did not have the nerve to go up to him and talk to him. What is wrong with me? Why didn't I do it? I have been out of practice and I usually scare men when I approach them. I am a little too much. I should have said hi though. Should have said something. Now, I feel so stupid for letting that moment pass. Live and learn.

45 mins to go

There are less than 45 minutes left in my work day and it could not be moving any slower. After work, I am headed to happy hour with my work bud. She is going to be my wingwoman and try and help me meet guys. My whole mission has been to meet new men. My work crush turned asshole has decided that he wants nothing to do with me. Which is fine. I don't miss him I just dont understand where he is coming from. In the end my attitude about that is.. whatever.

I have been doing research in trying to find a new mate. Snagging a man and finding love is the most difficult thing there is it seems like. The thing that I find interesting is that all of my friends are married or engaged and of all of those relationships I would not want to date their significant other. It leaves me asking myself if there is something wrong with me? Are my standards way too high? Should I just get rid of all of my expectations for love.

Here is the thing, I could lower my standards if my goal was to not be single but my goal is more then that. I want to be with someone I really like and that the relationship will go somewhere. I am not going to settle for a guy just because he asks me out.

Now about those expectations. Mine really are not that high. I just actually have some expectations. He has to have a job, bank account, car, not live with his parents, be self sufficient, kind, understanding, warm and a home body. I know the home body part is what is difficult. Home bodys don't really go out to happy hour or anything, I would know I am a home body. So while they are at home thinking about a fabulous woman, me. I will be out searching for them at happy hour bars all over the westside of los angeles. He has to be out there somewhere. No I am not silly enough to believe that there is one guy out there for every gal. The guy for me in 2010 is out there somewhere and I will find him. The man hunt is on, 2010.

Click Flash

Good Morning,

Can I just say that I am addicted to shoes. There is nothing like wearing a brand new pair of heels that make you walk with such confidence. I love it. I need someone to take my picture.

I belong to this web site for weight loss. I have recently loss a considerable amount of weight. I still need motivation and a support group to continue my journey. On this web site, I talk about how I feel on my log and what I am doing to lose the weight. Women joined my group and would read about what I am doing for inspiration. One of them just got real upset with me for being so cheerful and successful in my weight loss. Said she couldn't relate to that. That was quite rude.

I had to leave the group and join a new one due to this womans negativity. What is with folks getting all mad because they aren't losing weight and I am. I put in the work. If you hit the buffet line and clean your plate three times and sit on your butt you will not lose weight. I get so amazed at the excuses people use for not working out and eating right. It's too cold so I have to eat comfort food. Now that is a new one for me. I have never heard that one. Last I heard there was this thing called soup that you can eat full of veggies.

I shouldn't be too hard on these woman because I used to be one of those people making up excuses. The truth is we all just get too comfortable in our routines and we dont want to change our habits but we know we should. If you have a lot of weight to lose you can get discouraged easily because it does not come off fast enough. This is something I know but I also now how hard I worked. Working out three hours a day; 45 mins of strength training and two 1/2 hours of cardio, daily.

I have to mark the date. Today 2-23-2010 Chris told me that I deserve happiness. If I was standing I would have fell over with that news. This coming from the guy that didn't want anything to do with me. Funny how that works.

Removing My Acrylics While Watching Sex and the City

As I sit watching the Sex and The City movie while removing my acrylic nails I come to a realize that this last week, I have been absolutely happy and enthusiastic, which is not like me. I have no idea why I am so happy. I just know I am and it feels wonderful. I love it. The sun shining might be one of the factors. I love this Los Angeles weather. No snow for us at all and it's great. I have been listening to jams all week while working. I love them. Maybe the music has a role in my feelings right now. I love it.

I spent my weekend with my family and my little dog who I love very much. She has so much energy. If only I could bottle that and sell it I would be rich and never gain weight.

I haven't spoken to a certain toxic person in two weeks and he might be responsible for my happiness. Certain garbage needs to be taken out before you can let in all the awesome you are meant to have in your life. This is so true. Not wanting to let go has kept me back.

Mr. Garbage has been avoiding me for two weeks now. It has turned out to be a great thing in disguise but in the back of my mind I wonder why is he ignoring me? Whatever, it is his issue, not mine. You don't want me then forget you.

Playlist for My Happy Week of Enthusiasm
Hey Daddy - Usher
Tik Tok - Kesha
Hard - Rihanna
Nothing on U - B.O.B
Click Flash - Ciara

There's this guy

Okay so there's this guy that I have/had a thing for. We work together and he thinks that we should be just friends. In getting to know him and becoming "just friends", I have discovered that he is a shitty friend and a not so great person at that.

The problem is I am having a difficult time getting over him. I don't know what it is but for some reason he is still there in my mind. I think I just realized that I really like the attention he gives me and I dont necessarily like him. He is not all that great. I would be settling if I was to be with him. I know this but it bothers me that he doesn't want me because I am too good for him. Is it wrong that I feel that way? Men are so weird. When you like them they dont like you but when you really dont like them they love you. I mean really what is that all about? WEIRD!

I hate that he got the best of me and I dont know how to make my feelings go away. I need a new plan. What would work? I am ignorning him now so that is step 1. Step 2 is looking and dressing fabulous. I am doing that so check that off. Then, what is after that part? Do I have to be nice? I do not want to do that. Not if I can help it. Is there a way that I can make him come to me and recognize what he did and that it bothered me? Or is that too human for him to do?

All of these questions go on in my head. I am just so full of thought and plot. I crack myself up atleast I am smiling.

Will he fix things

I haven't spoken to a work friend in two weeks now. He has turned out to be a jerk and I am not sure why. I am wondering if he is going to fix things or if he is going to continue to be a total jerk. This is the guy that has told me repeatedly that he enjoys spending time with me and talking. Why did he all of a sudden turn into a jerk? I dont understand this at all.

Nutty Thursday Events.

Thursday, yesterday, can we just say that it was one of the strangest days I have had in a while. On my drive home, I passed by an accident where a homeless man was hit by a woman driving a lexus. She was on her cell phone. He looked dead. Talk about a traumatizing way to end my evening. So sad the guy has nothing and now he's dead and roadkill. Sounds messed up to me.

When I finally reach my destination after sitting in lovely LA traffic, I pull into the parking garage only to have a strange woman walk up to me and ask me if I have a cell phone she can use. I dont know about you but I dont look stupid. Why would I let some weirdo use my phone? She looked dirty and was obviously crazy and she was rude to me. The nerve of some people. I shook my head at her and said no. I don't want her dirty hands anywhere near me or my phone. She stood there and looked at me like I was crazy. She then gave me some sob story about how her boyfriend took off and she left her purse, phone and keys in the car.

Now, if you are going to start some story about not having a purse, you shouldn't be carrying a purse when you tell that story. She had a purse on her saying she left it in the car. Really though? I mean really? I should have told her that she's carrying her purse but I have found that when I say less to strangers, it works in my favor.

When she finally realized that I was not going to budge she told me that I can let her in the door. This girl doesn't have the words please or thank you in her vocabulary. I looked at her like you have got to be kidding me and then I said, "what do I look like? the doorman?". She stood there and finally left.

I know I live in LA. A lot of these folks feel entitled. She looked homeless, busted and she was rude. I just got out of traffic and seeing a dead man on the side of the road. I dont need to add getting stabbed by some crazy bitch to the list of my nutty thursday events.

Love me or Hate me, you're still thinking about me.

In my journey to becoming fabulous through improving myself, I have encountered a bunch of Haters. Haters, being people who say negative things to try and put someone down in order to feel better about themselves.

When I was 250+ pounds, I did not have many haters but since I have lost 100 lbs the haters have increased. The phrase misery loves company has only shown itself to be true and negativity attracts negativity just like a magnet. What I am referring to is my work environment. Being a woman in the workplace, or in my workplace I should say, is not as easy as being a man. You are either a bitch or a pushover. There isn't anything inbetween. Bitches get their work done and pushovers talk about getting work done, now which would you prefer to be?

When I was obese, I wont say the word fat because that just seems to hurt my feelings so I will say obese, it seemed like women at work would get along with me just fine. I wasn't a threat I guess. Once I started to lose weight and changed the way I dress, I have become the hot topic of conversation. I love coming into work and hear who I am dating. If I didnt hear the gossip, I would have no idea who my boyfriend is for that week. Since apparently, I go through so many. This is comedy since I haven't had a boyfriend in five years.

Who can blame the woman for being so jealous when my male coworkers stop by my office each day to see what outfit I have on and race to open doors for me. I absolutely love the attention because I do put thought into how I dress and I dont like to touch germy doors.

I should just get used to people talking about me. A friend of mine told me to let them talk. Even give them something to talk about. It is just a new thing for me that I have to get used to and sometimes it overwhelms me.