December 31st

I have finally moved into my condo. I did physcially move in back in May but it takes time to get unpacked and find a home for everything I own. It is finally mine and everything has it's place. I have organized everything and I am happy with the results. Even things have a place on the walls. There are a few bare walls but they will shortly be filled. I cannot wait to add color to the walls and I have changed the my mind on the original color choice of my living area. I am feeling a color similar to mocha or coffee. I love coffee. The color the smell the taste. I even love the texture of the beans. I sometimes put my hand in the bag just so I can feel all of the coffee beans surrounding my hand. I am sure that if coffee could speak I would love the sound of it's voice. I really have a love for coffee.

I have an annual tradition. There are very few traditions I have but I love them. My New Years thing is to purchase a self improvement book that i can begin the year with. I think it's like putting my best food forward in the new year. i don't know but i feel like somehow i start fresh.

My hopes and dreams for this year are to save money and decrease debt. I am not going to say get out of debt because that is not a possibility. I just want to decrease my debt. Also on my list are to: buy a new dishwasher, dining set and finally finish painting my new place.

I love where I am in my life right now. I feel great. I love this feeling. The feeling that my life is on track. I am thankful for all that I have. My family, my job, my home and the few friends that I have. I feel that 2011 is going to be absolutely awesome. I am hopeful for 2011.

31st Birthday

Okay so it was my birthday last Thursday. I feel great and I look even better. I like this time in my life and it is about time. I feel established in who I am and that is a great feeling. I am looking forward to this next year.

Friday night before vacation

Okay, so today is friday the last day of work before my vacation starts. Yes, I called in vacation time to take a week off and just cleanse my thoughts and relax. My boss has been frustrating the hell out of me. I just need some time away.

I hope that she reflects on this. I mean honestly I would love a raise and promotion but I dont see her doing that. Only saying she is going to and not do it at all.

My work buddy I'm falling for again.  I am worried I will only get stomped on. I think I need to keep my distance from him for a little while. We went out on two lunches this week together so I don't know what's going on with him. Maybe I should just turn off my phone for a whole week and not talk to anyone. I should just unplug my computer as well.

I am very defeated right now. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. My guy friends don't believe that but they don't want to be with me either so they should be able to believe it to some extent, right? I mean what is so wrong with me? Why can men be friends with a woman and thinks she is so great and that anyone would love to have her but they dont want her themselves? They sound like a bunch of liars.

This last guy that I got all mushy over, I met him online whereas if I was to meet him in person I wouldn't have given him a second look or my phone number. What does that say about me? Maybe I have a really large ego or something? I dont know. I am feeling like a loser and it sucks. I need some time to relax and come up with my new plan. My baby plan. I think I have my names all sorted out now.

The smell of failure

Okay, so i am having a real difficult time right now. being rejected is the worse thing ever for me right now. i just think that i am this great person so everytime a guy disses me, i just dont understand. i think i should just stop putting myself out there and call it quits. i wasnt made for all of this dating. marriage just isn't in the cards for me.

i am spending time with my work buddy and all of that magic is gone. i'm not even interested in him. i have lost all interest in every man in my world. it is so strange because i thought that i would never get over him. i am now over him and over men and relationships altogether. i dont know what is wrong. i had such a great time with this last guy and he just never called me again. he is still single. i guess he just didn't like me. i hate that feeling. not knowing what happened. rejection sucks. i dont know what happened but i am done with online dating.

in my small world i will not have any opportunities to meet new people unless i branch out and become social which i have no desire to do at this point in time. i am throwing in the towel. i am finished with romantic relationships and i am okay with being alone. when i look back now at the time spent with that last one he was a bit a an asshole with servers at restaurants and a jerk with folks at the theme park we visited. that is okay we just werent meant to be.

i am trying to figure out what i did the last time this happened to get over it and i cant remember what that was. wish i could just be over it now. how do i do that?

interesting how i was so convinced that chucky was my soulmate. goes to show what i know. he has become a great friend but not someone i would want to spend my life with. i dont think i want to spend my life with anyone. i can do it alone that way i dont have to have someone tell me what to do. marriage is overrated as far as i can tell. i dont need to get married. thought it would be nice to have someone to help me with the kids but i will do that on my own. it is okay.

being single isn't the worst thing possible.

Rejection

Okay so now I have cut Mr. Awesome from my team. It turns out that he is not so awesome after all. Well, what happened was we went to disneyland and had a great time. I was worried that we wouldn't have enough to talk about on the drive down there but we did great. The time just flew by. We spent all day together holding hands, kissing and being sweet to each other. We had such a great time and he kept telling me over and over how much of a great time he was having.

We spent a whole day together and then he spent the night and we spent the whole morning together. I am not sure what happened but its been two weeks and i havent heard from him. i am thinking that he's just not that into me. it didnt really hit me until recently and I am pretty bummed about it. I have six weeks left on my online dating membership and I am thinking that when it expires I will be done with online dating for a while. Well, dating period.

I haven't been successful in my search and I have met a lot of men. I'm just not cut out for this. I mean romantic relationships with men. some women have it and others just dont. I have found that i dont have what it takes to be successful in romance. when i like someone, i really like them and thats it. i really liked one guy out of all of the guys i met and he didn't like me back. as it would seem from his lack of calling. not so sure what is going to happen. i thought that i would have meet someone by now and would be on the road to engagement, marriage and children. so far my plan hasn't worked out. I guess it's time for plan B.

Now what is plan B? Plan B is when i have a kid and raise him/her by myself. without a husband, boyfriend or any man in my life. which is how i have seen it. i really want a family and it is getting worse and worse.

i have my dogs i love them very much. we have a great time together. all warm and fuzzy full of love. yay. so 5 years from now i will have a bigger place and then babies will come. that is the plan a 5 year plan. i need to get some more weight off and i want 20 lbs off next year. This last 20 is so difficult to get off. i hate having this issue. maybe i will just drink the restof my life and never eat solids again. my goodness. talk about Boo!

A friend of mine is getting back with her exboyfriend for the third time. i told her to stop recycling boyfriends just cuz your desperate because no other guys are going out with you. she claims shes not reclycing but what do you call it? it is desperation. getting back into a relationship after breaking up over the same thing twice. she's nuts. we have standing lunch date on thursdays every week and im thinking that im going to cancel this week. i cant stand to listen to her bullshit about this loser guy. lame

Disneyland Date

Okay, so I have been seeing this guy for a while now and we aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Which means that it is entirely possible that he is seeing other women. I hate the idea that he could be seeing other women. I am not seeing other men. I should tell him that I am not seeing anyone else. Anyway, a week ago he and I went to disneyland. We spent an entire day together just him and myself. It was so much fun. We both had a great time. He stayed over and spent the next morning with me as well. We are still not official. I am trying to get to see him and make plans with him but I do it before he can make plans with me so it's like I am the only one making plans. I just get real excited. I need to stop. I just want to have fun. Everyone else gets so serious. Trying to give me the most lame advice when they are single and don't know how to pick great guys at all. Yeah, why should I listen to their advice again?

All this talk about not putting your eggs into one basket. Now tell me this when you go to the chicken coop to get the eggs how many baskets do you carry with you? I mean seriously. I have gone out with so many guys and this is the one that I have gone out with on more than one date and we both like each other. I don't like being told that I need to hold back. I would regret it if I didn't put myself out there and lost a relationship over it. At least I am being honest.

I am finding that the happier I am the more people like to bring me down or say negative things about what I am doing. I am not a fan of this. My brother in particular. He's upset or depressed about his life and has to say negative things to me because I am happy and he is not. Really getting tired of his black cloud syndrome. He needs to realize that he needs to make himself happy and stop relying on others to do it for him.

Great First Date

Wow, so I have finally gone on a great date. It only took 50 awful dates to get to one great one. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on a full date with him so I planned on coffee with an option for sushi afterwards. I call it a pass or fail date. Met him up at Peet's coffee I have never been there before so I wasn't sure where exactly it was on Ventura Blvd.

I live a few minutes away from the coffee shop and I get a text message from my date as I am getting in my car saying that he is already at the coffee shop. I tell him I'm on my way. On my journey down there I totally pass the coffee shop because the sun was right in my eyes. I had to call him and ask him for his help on where it was. I knew the date was going to be great because I didn't find it and that isn't like me at all.

I finally arrive at the coffee shop and there he is standing out front. I am a little nervous because I am not sure if I am going to be attracted to him or if he is going to look like his picture. I walk right up to him and say hello and greet him with a hug. It was nice. We order our drinks and sit at a table. No one is at this place. It isn't as popular as starbucks or coffee bean. I love coffee bean. We sit down and automatically have a great confersation. We get to chatting for a while and he asks me if I am hungry and I say yes. We walk to a sushi restaurant from the coffee shop and have some good sushi and lots of great conversation. We were just yaking away. After dinner, he wants to go to a movie so I tell him he can't talk to me in a movie and he says well yes thats true. We go to the mall to people watch and the mall closes early so we go to the movies at the mall. It was great. Our movie was cute and I really loved it. We had a great time together in the movie theater.

My favorite was when he was trying to build up the courage to hold my hand. He puts up the cup holder thats dividing us in our seats. Then places his hand right next to my leg. I was wondering how he was going to do it. I kept waiting. He just got his hand closer and closer and I eventually just took his hand. It was very cute. Then he leans in to me and tells me that I smell nice. I say thank you. Then he nuzzles my ear. He finally kisses me and we kissed maybe four times in the theater. He isn't a good kisser but we can work on that. :-)

We left the theater and kissed in the parking lot. It was such a fun date I couldn't believe it. I just wanted to spend more time with him but it was late. We didn't schedule a new date afterwards but I had a feeling that he was going to call me to schedule a second date.

Today, this afternoon, I got a call from him to set up a second date. We are going again on Wednesday. He said Wednesday or Thursday I chose Wednesday in hopes that we can make plans over the weekend.

Very great first date. Never thought it possible.

My sister's wedding last weekend

Well there it is. My sister is married. I spent Sunday crying for no apparent reason. I couldn't tell you what the matter was. Maybe hormones or lack of sleep and no food. Or all of the above. While at work on Monday, I have no idea where I am or what I'm doing. I am going through the day in a fog. Half asleep and half awake. I don't know how I even it made it to work. I just sat in traffic. I guess that is the way to go.

Anyway, back to the wedding. There was one moment that made me smile and that was when one of the grooms cousins wanted to dance with me. It was so cute how it all went down. It made my weekend. I will never see that guy ever again. He is on the other side of the country but you know what, that doesnt matter.

I have been upset with my work buddy because he has been on vacation all last week and I wanted to see if he was going to text me. He did not. He didn't communicate with me in any way until today. I get a text from him b/c I wasn't at my desk when he decided to stop by. Whatever. I am not his beck and call girl. Turns out he just needed to ask me a question for himself anyway. Not like he was actually interested in talking to me. I honestly don't know what is going on with me but I have absolutely no interest in guys whatsoever right now. I dont know what my problem is. Maybe it is from going out on the most horrible dates of mylife. I mean really. They aren't kidding when they say that you have to kiss a few frogs before finding a prince. Hey I can't even get to the kissing part because they are such toads anyway.

You know what is funny is that I actually saw my work buddy and instead of talking to him I snuck past him and ran for it. I didn't want to see him since he didn't really seem to care what is going on with me. I had a real stressful week last week and he wasn't there for me but he was the cause of some of the stress. I mean after that I don't need to spend time with him for a while. I will probably try to avoid him tomorrow as well. I am so exhausted and I have to go to the grocery store after work. Man. Maybe i should blink more I am staring at the monitor as we speak unable to blink. What is going on?

Okay so when and if I ever get married, this is what is going to happen. Destination wedding and someone else plans it and cleans it up. I mean really this weekend really kicked my ass. They are so emotional. My mother turned out to be the typical diva I expected. Needed all of this attention. I couldn't stand her. Like I really couldn't stand her. My dad makes mountains out of mole hills. I ended up yelling at him. I dont care go away. I mean seriously. Give me a break. I am going to fall flat on my face at any moment and there will be no one there to help me up. I am on my own. Like always.

Fourth of July

Well, I have had one of the most interesting days. I feel real crappy. Crap being the beginning of my troubles. Anyway, I hate how I have to keep some of my relationships and thoughts to myself. I cant share myself with everyone. I am too easily judged or criticized and I hate it. My work buddy ( who I am in love with) is gone this week on vacation. I have decided to keep myself from text messaging him for a week. It has been quite easy. I haven't text him since last friday. I wonder how long this will last.

I have been busy with my new addition to my family, Beau. I rescued him from the shelter over here. He is the same age as my other dog and he's smaller so it works out perfectly. HoneyBee is very dominant so I think she will enjoy having a little male around that she can punk.

Can I just say that I love having two dogs. HoneyBee likes having the attention but she doesn't like being held all the time. Beau loves being held all the time so there is a balance. I hold Beau while throwing HoneyBee's toy. It is perfect. He is underweight so I am fattening him up. He loves food. His favorite room is the kitchen. Whenever he does something he is proud of he goes and waits in the kitchen for his treat. Isn't he cute?

My sister is getting married this weekend. I dont really have any feelings about it. I find that strange shouldn't I feel something? I guess not. I don't believe in marriage anyway. I don't thinkit works. We live too long for marriage to be successful.

The moment that I decided that I am not interested in getting married or having a man in my life I became happier. I do love my work buddy yes this is true but I don't have to date him or see him everyday or talk to him everyday. Once in a while is enough for me and during work hours.

More Male Confusion

Okay so I am trying to think of my buddy at work as a woman because I have a crush on him and he told me he just wants to be friends.  I have a difficult time pictureing him as a girl when he says things a girl wouldnt say.

Like i told him that i am giving up on men and considering becoming a dominatrix.  he tells me that he could see me as a dominatrix and enjoying it. he asks me if i love my new purple room (i painted my bedroom a dark sexy purple) i told him its sexy and romantic and he then asks me how my dating is going.  says i need to be patient and he knows someone is going to come a long and sweep me off my feet.  i am trying to think of him as a girl but girls dont really talk like that.

anyway, i cant get all excited and think that he means he is the one that is planning on sweeping me off my feet.  that stuff only happens in the movies not in real life. 

Are Men Only Interested In Looks?

Now if this is true.  I should totally be in a relationship.  Men being incapable of love is the oldest attitude I have ever heard.  I am starting to believe this to be true.  I have been in love a few times.  Only once has this love been reciprocated.  Men, the most difficult task in my life.  Finding a man.  I have a thing about people.  I don’t like most people. 

I enjoy watching romantic comedies.  Fiction is the best thing for my heart.  I also think that it ruins me.  I start to believe that I deserve so much but what if what I deserve is not a possibility?  Men, the non fiction characters, do not behave in such a way to make your heart melt.  They are predictable and very simple.  There is nothing romantic about a simple man.  A simple man will only leave you frustrated and disappointed.  Not fun.

Men, the most difficult task in my life, have been all that I have wanted for the past couple of months.  Some women have it.  The skills and the patience to deal with a man.  Me on the other hand, I do not wish to settle or wait.  I want everything when I want it and if I don’t get it then I have a fit.

i would love the opportunity to break some man’s heart.  I think i am due for that opportunity in my life.

Still over the boys

Well, I have decided to not give any man the time of day that feels the need to ask me if I am bitchy, cold or complain too much.  What type of questions are those to ask someone you barely know?  What type of man would ask a woman those questions.  I told this guy that I am not warm and fuzzy so he should look else where.  He left the conversation and I was relieved. 

All I know is that I refuse to live by someone else’s rules and try to fit in someone’s approve dosage of personality traits.  This guy was short anyway.  The first thing he asked me was am I snotty and with a shrimp like him I am totally snotty.  Goodbye Dave good luck to you and the poor girl that decides to date your middle aged self. deuces.

On to bigger and better things, like myself.  Speaking of me, I had a terrible day at work well not so much terrible as annoying.  My so called work friend is on my nerves and is becoming quite self centered.  I found myself avoiding her so I wouldn’t have to hear the moans and groans.  Whatever right.  I am too busy and I really don’t care about such things.  I know I am harsh but I have been harsh this whole time, deal.

My work buddy who I am in love with finally came back today after being on vacation.  When I saw him I wasn’t ready to see him so I kind of ran away.  When he saw me he was very excited to see me but I wasn’t in the best of moods with the way that my day was going and the amount of work I had sitting on my desk.  When I saw him I was caught off guard and there was a group of guys there watching us so I really didn’t want them to see us talking  you know.  Especially since one of them already commented that we were dating.  I guess I would rather not open that can of worms again.  I know that in the end I am only hurting myself when I was avoiding him but I was already trying to get out of there because it was already awkward for me.

He stopped by the office shortly after that and he did not come to chat with me.  I dont know if he stopped by my door later but he owes me a hug from his trip and i didn’t want him to give it too me in front of an audience.  Yes, I do love him and he knows that already.  I dont know if he has any feelings for me whatsoever but he might be considering it.  When i saw his face light up when he saw me it made my day.

Anyway, I sent him two texts this evening and i have heard back from him.  he is proably busy or doesnt want to text back or he wants to reply in person.  i wonder if he will wait until 11pm to text me back like last night.  that is just too late for me.

i was hoping that he and i would go to lunch sometime this week but i think he forgot or he wont have time.  maybe he was avoiding me because he didnt want to hug me. :-( dude i dont know i am not good with men at all.

Okay he just text me.  He gets me thinks im weird but loves it so i am okay with it.  yay….

Missing Chucky

So my work buddy is away on vacation with his kids.  I love this man but unfortunately he only wants to be friends with me and so I have to think of him as having a vagina.  what a world we live in.  the story of my life here.  The man I want doesn’t want me and the men I really don’t want, want to date me.  Why does this happen?

I dontknow what to do to get Chucky to want me I just have given up.  It isn’t worth it.  I have to have him in my life so I will take him however I can get him and friends is fine.  I like having him as afriend.

I just hate how he just wants to be friends.  I mean he must really not want me if he just wants to be friends.  that is how bad it is.

i hate this crap.  Online dating is the worst thing in the world.  these short guys want to talk highly of themselves and let you sit there and listen to them go on about themselves and convince you that they are awesome.  yeah if you were so awesome you wouldn’t be boasting about yourself over dinner while i try not to fall asleep. Lame.

I dont know if i will be able to date anyone while i still have feelings for chucky.  i mean this can be a bad thing here.

he is away on vacation and i hate that i havent seen him in days. four days so far and another one to go until i will see him.  this sucks.  i hate how i am so honest with him.  i tell him that i miss him and stuff.  he doesnt say that to me unless i ask him.

i am hanging up my dating shoes.  i dont think i want it as much as i thought i did.  the rejection is the kicker.  i hate being rejected by douche bags that i dont give a shit about.  they are real rude about it.

anyway, it sucks knowing that the person you love doesn’t love you back.  it is the story of my life as far as men go.  horrible.

... and the end result

Alright, alright. After dating a grip of guys these past few months here I have decided that I do not like men. Yes I am attracted to men and I am heterosexual but I do not like men. They suck. Large babies who want someone to take care of them but also want to boss her around. Now who has time for that?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are on a date and this guy is talking to you for a while. You are sitting there thinking to yourself, "now how the hell can I get out of this as quickly and painless as possible". I know it may sound mean or rude or whatever but why do I feel like I owe it to the guy to listen to all of his crap. Most of the men I have dated, have been very long winded. I mean what makes a guy think he can kiss you if you are out on a date and he tells you a story about himself for two hours and you dont get to talk. I call that a story teller, not interesting and not interested in anything other than himself. The end result of that night is a hug.
I also go into a date deciding on what is the appropriate way to part ways with this guy. If we go out for coffee that's a hug. Dinner might be a kiss a hug or handshake depending on how he behaves. Sometimes I just like to get to the parking lot and run away. I just wonder why these men think they are so great. I am totally confused. Nothing that they say or do is wonderful.
One guy had to keep telling me how everyone at work thinks he is the best guy ever. Okay here is the deal, he works in IT all he does is fix the computer problems nothing interesting as far as personality. I mean really who cares if people at work like you. People at work like what you do for them at work not anything else. It's all selfish and artificial. Please get it straight.

After all of my dating the end result is I do not want a man. I have always known that I do need a man but I thought I wanted one. Now I know, I do not want one. If I have to listen to a man boast about himself for the rest of my life, I'd rather not do it. I can take care of myself and adopt children. I do not need to worry about some grown man's feelings and handle him tenderly. That is so lame. I am over it.

If "the right guy" comes along, which looking at my generation doesn't looking like a possibility, I will change my tune but I have gone through so many years of experiencing garbage that "the right guy" couldn't possibly be hiding. He is a figment of my imagination and I have been ruined by fairy tales and romantic comedys. Things don't happen like that in real life. No one is going to save you. You need to save yourself. Don't expect anyone to take care of you. Take care of yourself. There is no reason for a woman to ever depend on a man for anything and that is the day we live in.

My Friend and I are on Speaking Terms, Yay!

Okay, so last week I text my friend that I haven't been on speaking terms with. We are having lunch tomorrow to catch up. Thank goodness. I am so looking forward to it. Today he stopped by and we chatted for a while. It was like old times but better. He looked at me differently. He looked like he was in love. I loved that look on his face. I can't wait to talk to him. We might have to actually talk outside of work over dinner or something.
He came by and I told him about the condo and stuff and he told me he just moved recently himself. He told me about his weekend. The whole thing started because I wanted to show him my brand new shoes which I am in love with. He liked them too. It was very nice to have him around.
Okay so I am not going to tell him that I'm in love with him, so I am making a list of all the things I want to tell him. I really want him to just take my hand and tell me that he missed me. If he doesn't then I am going to have to do that to him and I am not sure how he is going to take it.
I am so excited.

online dating

Okay so I have been participating in online dating. I honestly do not see how anyone could be successful meeting someone on the online sites. I have gone out with the psycho stalker, the slut and the flake. I drive 30 mins to go meet this guy at 930 pm because he doesn't get off of work until 8pm. I get to the restaurant and I manage to get a parking space right in front so I think to myself great this is going to be an awesome night. I get there and I do not see him so I text him saying that I am there and asking where he is. I get a text back from him 10 mins. later saying that he is still at work and he will call me back later.

I have a question. Why would he even bother calling me later when he can't bother to call me in the first place to let me know that he is working and cannot meet me. I get ready and drive out there for nothing but to drive back. How difficult is it to call someone and let them know that you can't make it. Why do I have to ask you if you are there when you said you would be? I really do not understand and when things like this happen it just further confirms why these men are single, clueless.

I have only been on this dating site for a month but I do not think I will be successful at this rate. I met one guy who I kind of liked but he is just not in a place in his life where I want to deal with him. He needs to get on his feet finiancially. There is something very unattractive about a grown man who doesn't know how to manage his money. You know what I am saying. He had to cancel a date because he spent his money on tattoos and could afford to take me out. I mean really. What kind of guy is that. I dont know what I am doing but I don't think that I need a man. The only thing I need from a guy is sex and offspring but other then that I think I am ok. I am not seeing a benefit for having a guy. They are very sensitive and wishy washy. I haven't found one that is even worthy of my time. I think that I am a prize, an awesome person and I refuse to settle for crap and that is all that is being offered on the online dating sites. CRAP!

I don't know why certain folks determine someone's happiness based on their marital status. I mean I had a woman tell me that something was wrong with me because I am a beautiful woman and I am single. Just because I am single it lead her to believe that I am gay. Now, if I can't stand men why would you think I could stand women. They are drama. I am so good off of this. I don't have faith in man kind. I am not sure where people meet people anymore. I haven't been successfull. Men tell me that I am intimidating because of how I look. I can't help how I look. That is just me.

I am over this.

cinco de mayo

My favorite food is tacos. I love mexican food period but on the one day that it is absolutely necessary, I brougth lunch. No tacos for me today. Chipotle would be nice.

Okay so i have really hurt a man's feelings. I am so excited about it but he wont talk to me anymore. I don't know how to get him over it but it gives me control/power over him. I love this control bit and he looks at me with such adoration and love. i have no idea what to do with him.

Dating Flakes

Okay so I met a guy last Wednesday for coffee. We had a great time so we planned on a dinner date on Saturday at 8pm. Saturday comes and I get a call from him around 2:30. I miss the call so I call him back, he doesn't answer. I decide to text him to see if we are still on for 8 around 4:30 and he calls me and says he is sick and asks if we can reschedule. I say sure. He asks if he can call me later I say sure. I hate flakes. One thing worse is a date that flakes. He hasn't called and it is Monday.

I am so bummed. Men are the biggest disappointed in my life. Too bad it is human nature to want a companion. I think I would be able to get by without one but it is not natural.

Easter Weekend

Wow, that is all that I can say about my weekend.  I had to much going on.  I had one of the worst dates that I can remember.  This man called me names repeatedly.  He felt the need to talk non stop and when I could get a word in he did not bother to listen to me.

After the date was over,  I received a phone call on the way home from my date from him and he was telling me that I am weird.  I get home and I get an email from him telling me that I look nothing like a picture that I have posted on the internet and then I get a text message from him telling me I am a rude date because I didn’t eat or drink and I didn’t talk.  What the hell is wrong with that fool?  During our date, he felt the need to stare me down like he was a predator and I was the prey.  I did not like that feel.  He also felt the need to compliment me and try to touch me a lot.  Our first meeting I really do not think he should have been touching me that much.  He made me wait for him and he did not even look all that nice.

I am wondering where my guy is.  This person was very charming online and on the phone.  I meet him and he was just argumentative and he picked on me the whole time.  I mean since when was name calling a cool thing to do on a first date.  He is so fired.  I do not want to see him ever again.  During our date, I was thinking about my old guy friend at work.  We had way better chemistry then I did with that date. 

I actually succeeded in my quest for attention from work guy at the meeting last week.  I came in looking awesome.  I received a bunch of compliments on my look that day and in front of Mr. Let’s-Just-Be-Friends. He could not take his eyes off of me.  I wonder what that was all about.  I sat down first on the end and then he stood behind me for a while like he was thinking very carefully about where he wanted to go.  I did not look at him or turn around.  Before I sat down, I walked up and he was already there.  He said hello to me and i said hello then this other person came up and said i looked amazing and i said thank you. 

Anyway, I really wanted to see if he was looking at me but that would require me to turn around.  I could see him out of the corner of my eye watching me sucking on my sucker. It was like I had the upper hand.  Looking great, feeling great and intimidating men all around I love this so much.  I have a feeling now that he is going to talk to me sometime soon.  He was pacing past my desk several times that day.  When before he wouldn’t dare stop by.  I wonder what that means other then I looked nice that day. 

Leave them wanting more.

Just got home from a date

Okay, so I was very excited about this date.  All day I have been looking forward to spending time with this guy.  I am waiting for him to show up.  He shows up at the table and sits across from me.  I smile and his eyes are barely open.  We try to have a conversation and I can barely hear him with his soft toned voice.  The restaurant he chose is very loud with large groups of people surrounding us.

He did not make me laugh and he did not laugh at my jokes.  All that he did was argue with me and call me names.  Maybe that is his way of flirting with me but it makes me defensive.  We had dinner and I wanted to go home but we went out for coffee.  I thought that some one on one time together in a quiet coffee shop he could redeem himself.  He did not.  All he did was say these negative things to me and stare at me.  He didn’t like how I wouldn’t make eye contact with him but he would stare me down.  I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea so I didn’t look at him long.  I would look at other things.  It was way too intimidating for a first time meeting someone and date.  We did talk on the phone for three days straight and had a great time talking on the phone.  I didn’t like how he talks at me.  He tells stories non stop.  Talk, talk, talk and he doesn’t listen to me when I talk. 

I barely get a word in and he tells me he doesn’t remember me saying things and i’m like well that’s because you weren’t listening to me.  i am so over this guy.

after our date he drops me off at my car and i thought there would be an awkward moment where i would have to dodger a kiss from him.  that did not happen.  thank god.  I was not feeling this guy at all toward the end.  I can only take so much criticism.  I’m in my car and I decide to call this other guy that called me while I was on this date.  As I am on the phone with him, the other dude calls.  I don’t answer and it is a good thing I didn’t.  He left me a message telling me that I am weird.  What does that mean.  I am weird.  Fine.  I will be weird.  I wasn’t attracted to him and I would not be able to ever hook up with him.  I guess that is the end of the relationship.  I can’t even talk to him on the phone.  He mumbles.  I can’t hear him.  It is frustrating.  I thought I would feel bad but I don’t.  he and i dont mix.

What kind of guy calls you while you are driving home from their date to tell you that you were acting weird.  Fine.  I will be weird as long as I dont have to be with you.

What i thought was real interesting is how much i was thinking about Jason while i was on this date.  I kept thinking about Jason and his kids and how much I liked Jason and enjoyed talking to him.  I thought about how I wanted him to be jealous when and if he heard me talking on the phone with this guy.  i thought Jason was it for me.  He doesn’t like me at all.  I look great these days.  I work out and I am dropping lbs and I feel great about myself.  Jason and I haven’t spoken in two months.  He is okay with that.  He sucks. I dont know how you can hate me but he does and this other guy does too.  I pretty much suck I guess. 

At dinner, this guy kept telling me how cute he thought I was.  He kept trying to touch me and tell me how he wants to cuddle with me.  Telling me how he wants me to come over to his house.  I don’t like him.  I'm not attracted to him.  He was intimidated by me because I look tall.  I am sorry he is not 6’0 tall if i am taller then him in heels.  They weren’t that high.  What a liar.  He was intimidated by my height.  Whatever.  I need a taller man and one who doesn’t suck ass and talk shit about me to me on our first date. 

All I know now is that I am freezing and I can check mark this guy off of my list.  I was scared that I was going to have a bunch of guys that I like and have to pick one but so far there are no guys that I like just possibilities right now.  I guess i have to keep things short and sweet and i have to do a coffee date before a dinner date.  or an ice cream date.  i think i will think of better dates to do then the dinner date or the coffee date.  something more original. you know what i mean.  something cool.

It’s the end of the week

Thank goodness this week is over.  I have no idea what I have been doing but a week at work flew by and I don’t know what happened.  It is probably better that I don’t.

I have a busy weekend ahead of me and I am more than ready to start kicking asses and taking names.  I am no nonsense right now.  Condo hunt 2010.  I will get one for sure.  I only have 4 weeks to find one.  I will pick one this weekend.  That’s how great I am.  Cool beans.  Now me finding a man is way more tricky then finding a home.   Well, it might be just as difficult if I have lame ass realtors to deal with.  Why can’t they get their shit together?  LAME.

Loving Drake’s music loving it.  I am feeling really great. Walking five miles a day really changes your outlook on things.  Things that meant the world to me before are nothing now.  I love it like that.  Not sweating the small stuff is great.  If only the boyfriend thing was something small.  I am worried but not as much as before.  I am not sure how to go about finding this next man of mine.  The dating websites I am on, I have no idea who they work for?

Well, tomorrow I go house hunting.  This should be fun.  That is if the dumb ass realtor comes through.  I have two right now because I haven’t decided which one to go with.  So far, one is looking better then the other but not by much.  They are both lame.

Time Change is not In My Favor

I have had some week.  I can’t even remember the things I wore on the previous day.  I hope that I’m not wearing the same thing everyday.  '

I just spent ten minutes crying after watching a preview for the movie The Blind Side. I love inspirational movies like that.  I love them.  Just like the movie Freedom Writers.  My Goodness maybe I shouldn’t be watching movies right about now.  I am feeling real fragile. 

After yesterday, when I typed that I loved Jason even without my knowledge of this love I have been terrified.  I sent him a message but he doesn’t want anything to do with me. 

St. Patricks Day

I went ahead and bit the bullet yesterday and sent a text to my buddy. He did not text me back so yes he is very upset with me. My horoscope for the day says this:

If you're single, it's going to be a bumpy night. The last person on earth you'd ever expect to reveal secret feelings to you will be the first one who'll do it. Of course, you've been trying to tell yourself those suspicions you've had were wrong; at this point, you need to buckle down and admit they were right on. And if you think about it, how could you possibly blame them?

I am hoping that this actually happens today. I would love to hear all about this. Recently, none of my horoscopes have come true but they have been a little more specific then usual. It is strange but nothing has happened. Maybe they should stick to very vague ones.

okay okay

I felt so great today.  I wore these new hot shoes.  Wow, those were amazing.  I think I am wasting my new outfits on the folks I work with.  They all look so terrible.  I need to come up in there and decorate the place with something pleasing to the eye and looks like it baths.

Being happy is the best thing in the world.  Being only 15 lbs away from my initial weight loss goal makes me glow.  I love that fact that I have left all of that weight behind.  I refuse to be fat ever again.  I’d develop an eating disorder before becoming fat ever again.  I promise that to you.  Never again.  Being an overweight woman sucks so bad.  Men dislike fat woman.  Society dislikes fat women.  Fat women dislike fat women.  Talk about discrimination.  I have never had so many people want to open a door for me or say hello to me or anything.  It is amazing.  I trip out all the time.  I get stared at a lot and it is very overwhelming.  I always feel like folks are giving me looks or meaning to do me harm.  I need to get out of that phase.  It isn’t necessarily the case but I am real sensitive.

So I miss my friend.  What can I say, I am not that evil.  Coming off mean and actually being mean are two different things.  I hear his voice and my heart jumps.  I just really wish that he wanted me in his life.  Now what do I miss about him?

I miss spending time with him and listening to his point of view.  Even though his view can be totally different from mine.  I miss how he is totally different then I am but we love being around each other.  I miss how he looks at me and how he lets me be me even though he would never do or say the things I do.  I miss how he lets me jab him and thinks it is cute when I do.  I miss having my friend. 

I don’t know if I want him back but I do miss him. 

My pride wont let me talk to him or tell him how I feel.  The reason why aren’t speaking is because he doesn’t listen to me when I communicate my feelings to him.  Yet another week has gone by and we have not spoken.  Will we ever be friends again?  When?

Listening to music and daydreaming

Wow, so what is the deal with Wednesdays being full of work to do? I mean honestly what happened to the gold old wednesdays full of internet shopping and daily horoscopes? I miss those days.

I had to go on this long walk today. just to excape the trials and tribulations of my mind. Isn't that funny? I guess I am so up in my head reality is too easy for me I make up my own issues. I listen to music and daydream while I work.

Married people are something else. They always seem so worn down with their spirit broken. I am not sure I want to be one of those but it is human nature to need companionship. It's unfortunate that it is like that. People suck.

Not a lot has been happening in my life recently. I actually like this. The mellow days. I have eliminated a lot of drama and I feel so calm these days. Which is great for my blood pressure. Work has been alright. Nothing special.

Weight loss is the most difficult thing for me. I have lost quite a bit and I am getting closer and closer to my initial goal. I am 15 lbs. away from being the weight that I wanted. I am one dress size away from being my goal dress size. I am absolutely excited. I can't wait. Once I reach that goal, I will set another one. I think it is the best thing to do for me. I may be turning a little obsessive with this whole thing. I have to write down what I eat everyday. I don't count the calories because I eat pretty much the same thing everyday so I am staying well within my allotted calorie amount. The minute I dont do this, I will consume way too much and feel so much guilt. I can't stand the guilt. It makes me sick to my stomach. Wow, 15 lbs. that just blows my mind. I look and feel great. I just wish I had someone special to share my life with.

I honestly thought that once I lost the weight the men would flock to me. Why aren't they? There must be some other flaw in my character. I wouldn't know what it is. I think I am faboulous and I know a ton of jerks and lame folks and they are all married so it can't be my character.

I enjoy the people that I do conversate with. They are very supportive of me and I know I can talk to them about things. There aren't that many people that I talk to. I like to have a small group. I am tired of being disappointed by friends who stab me in the back or are disloyal in some way. I am an excellent friend and very loyal.

Playlist:
Fantasy Girl - Baby Bash
Baby - Justin Bieber
Put it in a love song - Alicia Keys
Peanut Butter & Jelly - Christina Milian..

Bring on the Weekend.

Okay so finally it is friday. An end to a busy work week. I have been wondering for weeks now what is going to happen between me and a certain someone that I once cared about. (probably still do). My horoscope has been saying for days that things are going to be fixed. It has been scaring me a lot. Today this is what it says:

For the next few days, your main quest will be to decide what to do about a certain someone -- someone who seems to be putting just as much time, energy and thought into what to do about you. None of this will be visible to anyone who's not really looking, however. It's all going to be very clandestine. But anyone who knows and loves you will see what's going on, and will probably be quite delighted for you.

Okay now, it is scarey how close this is to my life right now. I just wonder if there is any truth to it. The way I am thinking about this is that he is going to sit down and chat with me about what is wrong and thats it. Now the "delighted for you" part of this horoscope I have no idea what that could mean. I don't think he is going to say what I wished he would say what I still secretly want. He doesn't want that.

I hate when I don't get what I want or who I want. It totally drives me nuts. All I know is that I am going to do what I planned on donig and that is nothing. I'm not meeting him half way, not initiating any conversations nothing. No love at all, deuces.

At this rate, I am wondering if I will ever meet a guy. The majority of the men I know are the ones I work with so they are pretty much off limits and not desirable at all. The other men I know are married or in long term relationships and I consider family. Not interested in them. So where is this guy that I am to meet. How do i meet him? Where?

Okay so now what

I am putting myself in a position to where i can further myself in my dreams. I guess what I mean is I want to get more involved in writing. Writing stores, essays, poems and all kinds of things. I would really love to write a book that becomes a movie and write for television shows. I would do an excellent job. I am great at telling stories and I have an awesome imagination. I guess I need to work on my writing. Which is one of the main reasons why I started this blog. to get more in the habit of typing, writing more and more every day.

guy at work is a lost cause. i hate lost causes. i really wanted that to go somewhere. I mean if a guy is not up to your level, shouldn't he be eating out of your hand. He should feel grateful that a woman like me would even consider him. No it doesnt happen like that. this guy sucks so much, I had to let him go. Cut all ties and not talk to him. He's not very bright so I am not sure if he even understands how seriousl this really is.

now with new prices on prescription drugs i wont be able to take my birth control. the price has increased 200%. That is ridiculous. So I am not going to take it. I am curious if the weight will come off better without the birth control.

New Laptop in the Mix

Holla Everyone. I just got my new laptop. Wheew. I was hoping it wouldn't take three weeks like they estimated time of delivery for me. Wow. I really love this thing the extra money for the pink polish cover is totally worth it. I love this thing. I could type for forever but I need to go out and get a case for it because I didn't buy one when I made the purchase because I want to touch and hold it and make a decision based on that.

Now what should I get a messenger bag style bag or a backpack style of bag? Whatever I decide, it has to be pink.

Nah it is just the woman in me, devious.

Well, I guess my buddy is not going to fix the problem between us any time soon. That is fine. I am happier without him. I thought he was mad at me and yesterday he caught up to me when I was walking with my headphones on. All I hear is someone shout "Hello, Dana" behind me. I turn and I see him. He didn't really look at me in my face but he was walking next to me.

Instead of saying hello I did a half ass'ed wave with some envelopes I had in my hand and turned and walked in a different direction. I thought he was the mad one. He's the one that doesnt want to talk to me. Maybe I am not ready to be on speaking terms just yet. We aren't communicating well at all. All this men vs. women thing is true. We can barely communicate with each other.

My horoscope today says :
Someone who's been on your mind a great deal lately will contact you soon -- maybe even today. The problem is, they'll want a lot more from you than just the chance to catch up. Does this mean you should let them take advantage of you and the tender, pensive mood you're in? Not at all. But if you need to let them know how you feel about the way you left things, even if it's just to gain closure, do it. You, more than anyone else, need to know where you stand.

Now why does it have to scare me like that? I am scared that he is going to approach me and corner me in my office to speak to me because "he" wants to. He sucks. At the same time, I want this to be resolved so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I mean what right does he have to be mad at me? Yes, I did call him a name but he more than deserved it. I only call them as I see them.

The thing that I love is having power over someone. I know I probably shouldn't say that but I do. I love making someone feel scared or uneasy. Especially when it is a man. It makes me happy. I guess thats how sick and twisted I am these days. Nah it is just the woman in me, devious.

Where did my weekend go?

Happy Monday Everyone. Yeah it is one of those I do not know where my weekend went Mondays. I had a family member visit and totally sucked the life out of me. Yeah, family kills. I did get three pairs of shoes out of the weekend so that is very nice.

Can I just explain to you my outfit today. Pink, black and white designed tunic with black leggings and black pumps with pink rosettes on them, very cute. I have a white rose in my hair, long dangley earrings and a silver cuff on my left arm. I know visualization is a difficult thing but I look nice today. Now after I bought these new shoes I am wondering to myself what outfits will I wear with them? I love being a girl. All of this dress up is therapeutic for me. I love it.

I didn't get to do what I had planned to do this weekend so now I have to do that today. You know what, I can't wait. It is weirding me out that I am looking forward to going home and doing chores. That must be because I am at work right now and chores look good compared to the people I get to see here.

Now tell me this, I walked pass a girl and she smelled absolutely awful. I could smell her just in passing and I nearly vomited. This is not a smell that I can identify. It wasn't underarm body oder or poop or urine. This was way more disgusting, if you can imagine. She needs to go home and take a shower. Dirty girl!

Okay I Chicken'ed Out

Okay, I went to happy hour last night and I had an opporitunity to talk to a guy, who I thought was cute and I chickened out. He didn't approach me but we were sharing glances and smiling at each other. I was trying to get him to come to me but he was with his boys and they were watching a basketball game. He was distracted lets say. I did not have the nerve to go up to him and talk to him. What is wrong with me? Why didn't I do it? I have been out of practice and I usually scare men when I approach them. I am a little too much. I should have said hi though. Should have said something. Now, I feel so stupid for letting that moment pass. Live and learn.

45 mins to go

There are less than 45 minutes left in my work day and it could not be moving any slower. After work, I am headed to happy hour with my work bud. She is going to be my wingwoman and try and help me meet guys. My whole mission has been to meet new men. My work crush turned asshole has decided that he wants nothing to do with me. Which is fine. I don't miss him I just dont understand where he is coming from. In the end my attitude about that is.. whatever.

I have been doing research in trying to find a new mate. Snagging a man and finding love is the most difficult thing there is it seems like. The thing that I find interesting is that all of my friends are married or engaged and of all of those relationships I would not want to date their significant other. It leaves me asking myself if there is something wrong with me? Are my standards way too high? Should I just get rid of all of my expectations for love.

Here is the thing, I could lower my standards if my goal was to not be single but my goal is more then that. I want to be with someone I really like and that the relationship will go somewhere. I am not going to settle for a guy just because he asks me out.

Now about those expectations. Mine really are not that high. I just actually have some expectations. He has to have a job, bank account, car, not live with his parents, be self sufficient, kind, understanding, warm and a home body. I know the home body part is what is difficult. Home bodys don't really go out to happy hour or anything, I would know I am a home body. So while they are at home thinking about a fabulous woman, me. I will be out searching for them at happy hour bars all over the westside of los angeles. He has to be out there somewhere. No I am not silly enough to believe that there is one guy out there for every gal. The guy for me in 2010 is out there somewhere and I will find him. The man hunt is on, 2010.

Click Flash

Good Morning,

Can I just say that I am addicted to shoes. There is nothing like wearing a brand new pair of heels that make you walk with such confidence. I love it. I need someone to take my picture.

I belong to this web site for weight loss. I have recently loss a considerable amount of weight. I still need motivation and a support group to continue my journey. On this web site, I talk about how I feel on my log and what I am doing to lose the weight. Women joined my group and would read about what I am doing for inspiration. One of them just got real upset with me for being so cheerful and successful in my weight loss. Said she couldn't relate to that. That was quite rude.

I had to leave the group and join a new one due to this womans negativity. What is with folks getting all mad because they aren't losing weight and I am. I put in the work. If you hit the buffet line and clean your plate three times and sit on your butt you will not lose weight. I get so amazed at the excuses people use for not working out and eating right. It's too cold so I have to eat comfort food. Now that is a new one for me. I have never heard that one. Last I heard there was this thing called soup that you can eat full of veggies.

I shouldn't be too hard on these woman because I used to be one of those people making up excuses. The truth is we all just get too comfortable in our routines and we dont want to change our habits but we know we should. If you have a lot of weight to lose you can get discouraged easily because it does not come off fast enough. This is something I know but I also now how hard I worked. Working out three hours a day; 45 mins of strength training and two 1/2 hours of cardio, daily.

I have to mark the date. Today 2-23-2010 Chris told me that I deserve happiness. If I was standing I would have fell over with that news. This coming from the guy that didn't want anything to do with me. Funny how that works.

Removing My Acrylics While Watching Sex and the City

As I sit watching the Sex and The City movie while removing my acrylic nails I come to a realize that this last week, I have been absolutely happy and enthusiastic, which is not like me. I have no idea why I am so happy. I just know I am and it feels wonderful. I love it. The sun shining might be one of the factors. I love this Los Angeles weather. No snow for us at all and it's great. I have been listening to jams all week while working. I love them. Maybe the music has a role in my feelings right now. I love it.

I spent my weekend with my family and my little dog who I love very much. She has so much energy. If only I could bottle that and sell it I would be rich and never gain weight.

I haven't spoken to a certain toxic person in two weeks and he might be responsible for my happiness. Certain garbage needs to be taken out before you can let in all the awesome you are meant to have in your life. This is so true. Not wanting to let go has kept me back.

Mr. Garbage has been avoiding me for two weeks now. It has turned out to be a great thing in disguise but in the back of my mind I wonder why is he ignoring me? Whatever, it is his issue, not mine. You don't want me then forget you.

Playlist for My Happy Week of Enthusiasm
Hey Daddy - Usher
Tik Tok - Kesha
Hard - Rihanna
Nothing on U - B.O.B
Click Flash - Ciara

There's this guy

Okay so there's this guy that I have/had a thing for. We work together and he thinks that we should be just friends. In getting to know him and becoming "just friends", I have discovered that he is a shitty friend and a not so great person at that.

The problem is I am having a difficult time getting over him. I don't know what it is but for some reason he is still there in my mind. I think I just realized that I really like the attention he gives me and I dont necessarily like him. He is not all that great. I would be settling if I was to be with him. I know this but it bothers me that he doesn't want me because I am too good for him. Is it wrong that I feel that way? Men are so weird. When you like them they dont like you but when you really dont like them they love you. I mean really what is that all about? WEIRD!

I hate that he got the best of me and I dont know how to make my feelings go away. I need a new plan. What would work? I am ignorning him now so that is step 1. Step 2 is looking and dressing fabulous. I am doing that so check that off. Then, what is after that part? Do I have to be nice? I do not want to do that. Not if I can help it. Is there a way that I can make him come to me and recognize what he did and that it bothered me? Or is that too human for him to do?

All of these questions go on in my head. I am just so full of thought and plot. I crack myself up atleast I am smiling.

Will he fix things

I haven't spoken to a work friend in two weeks now. He has turned out to be a jerk and I am not sure why. I am wondering if he is going to fix things or if he is going to continue to be a total jerk. This is the guy that has told me repeatedly that he enjoys spending time with me and talking. Why did he all of a sudden turn into a jerk? I dont understand this at all.

Nutty Thursday Events.

Thursday, yesterday, can we just say that it was one of the strangest days I have had in a while. On my drive home, I passed by an accident where a homeless man was hit by a woman driving a lexus. She was on her cell phone. He looked dead. Talk about a traumatizing way to end my evening. So sad the guy has nothing and now he's dead and roadkill. Sounds messed up to me.

When I finally reach my destination after sitting in lovely LA traffic, I pull into the parking garage only to have a strange woman walk up to me and ask me if I have a cell phone she can use. I dont know about you but I dont look stupid. Why would I let some weirdo use my phone? She looked dirty and was obviously crazy and she was rude to me. The nerve of some people. I shook my head at her and said no. I don't want her dirty hands anywhere near me or my phone. She stood there and looked at me like I was crazy. She then gave me some sob story about how her boyfriend took off and she left her purse, phone and keys in the car.

Now, if you are going to start some story about not having a purse, you shouldn't be carrying a purse when you tell that story. She had a purse on her saying she left it in the car. Really though? I mean really? I should have told her that she's carrying her purse but I have found that when I say less to strangers, it works in my favor.

When she finally realized that I was not going to budge she told me that I can let her in the door. This girl doesn't have the words please or thank you in her vocabulary. I looked at her like you have got to be kidding me and then I said, "what do I look like? the doorman?". She stood there and finally left.

I know I live in LA. A lot of these folks feel entitled. She looked homeless, busted and she was rude. I just got out of traffic and seeing a dead man on the side of the road. I dont need to add getting stabbed by some crazy bitch to the list of my nutty thursday events.

Love me or Hate me, you're still thinking about me.

In my journey to becoming fabulous through improving myself, I have encountered a bunch of Haters. Haters, being people who say negative things to try and put someone down in order to feel better about themselves.

When I was 250+ pounds, I did not have many haters but since I have lost 100 lbs the haters have increased. The phrase misery loves company has only shown itself to be true and negativity attracts negativity just like a magnet. What I am referring to is my work environment. Being a woman in the workplace, or in my workplace I should say, is not as easy as being a man. You are either a bitch or a pushover. There isn't anything inbetween. Bitches get their work done and pushovers talk about getting work done, now which would you prefer to be?

When I was obese, I wont say the word fat because that just seems to hurt my feelings so I will say obese, it seemed like women at work would get along with me just fine. I wasn't a threat I guess. Once I started to lose weight and changed the way I dress, I have become the hot topic of conversation. I love coming into work and hear who I am dating. If I didnt hear the gossip, I would have no idea who my boyfriend is for that week. Since apparently, I go through so many. This is comedy since I haven't had a boyfriend in five years.

Who can blame the woman for being so jealous when my male coworkers stop by my office each day to see what outfit I have on and race to open doors for me. I absolutely love the attention because I do put thought into how I dress and I dont like to touch germy doors.

I should just get used to people talking about me. A friend of mine told me to let them talk. Even give them something to talk about. It is just a new thing for me that I have to get used to and sometimes it overwhelms me.